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I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

PrincessmollySenior Contributor06 July 2016, 2:01 pm AEST

I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

So im a mum of a 2 year old. He has never been an easy kid and still takes hours to go to sleep every night. Will only nap in the car. Wakes from every nap and sleep bawling his eyes out im guessing because he either hates life or is still tired from all the wake ups.
He Is constantly getting ill fron daycare but is virtually impossibe to get medication into. Never ever ever plays independantly. He is in me 24/7. We co sleep. Not from lack of me trying every sleep training method etc. Throws his freaking food all over the floor, screams through every outfit and nappy change. Everything is a freaking struggle. Lately i have been becoming so so angry. I throw things, yell, kick stuff across the room and have on occasion punched my steering wheel or walls. Iv never hit him but i think this is worse. Im losing control i am just so over this crap behaviour. Nothing i do is ever good enough. Im not enough. Why is he so unhappy. I feel like going to africa and adopting a kid that might actually appreciate all i do with meal planning, organising playdates, running around to drs, giving vitamins, taking him to parks or walks, organising sensory play activities, buying heaps of toys etc etc. I feel like i have a kid that hates me and all i do. Im dreading bedtime because thats just the start of me having to be touched all night and multiple wake ups and just when i fall asleep getting woken by someone screaming in my face. 2 freaking years of this and nerves are shot. Iv put on 20kg. Im miserable. I am constantly sick. I love my son so much it breaks my heart that i regret becoming a mum because what is there to look forward to any more. How do i stop being a verbally abusive psychopath. Meds arent helping. Ill bottle up my feelings for days then just lose it like today. We have no village. Its just my husband and i. Our respite is work.

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In response to: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Unknown userMember06 July 2016, 4:53 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Dear @Princessmolly, I hear you and so glad you've reached out for support, for you family which you clearly love deeply.
I'm just an ordinary person here, someone with more experience will connect with you soon, but i just want to help a bit, having raised children where i too regretted the yelling & 'losing it"

I'm gonna be blunt here for a minute, But you know it anyway, Its so overwhelmingly unacceptable to lose it with a child, and one so young. Go sit in another room & calm down.

Children feel what you feel, even before you vent - it frightens them & changes who they are.

My gut feeling for you is (1) you're trying too hard. (2) you, as a family, need to change your lifestyle, and actually spend MORE time WITH your child, relaxed time.

Young children often reflect or mirror us, the people around them, they mirror what they 'perceive' or interpret, with their very limited experience. And they can pick up on emotions better than most adults, even hidden conflict between people, especially parents.

Your son knows you're unhappy & knows he's partly to blame, & doesn't know what to do. Poor little might.

Eye contact, hugs, joy, stories & smiles go a long way. ***BUT*** you gotta get yourself right to have it to give, to be the best mum & or the best dad.

You may need an antidepressant for a little while or counselling or both. There's a lot of online depression quizzes / self assessments (sane, blackdog institute, psych central, mayo clinic).

Screaming at children & throwing things is a sure sign you're not coping & need some help & i assure you its NOT all your child's fault.

You may even have some residual post partum depression. Grab a referral from your gp to see a psychologist for a few sessions of quality support. Sometimes too they can help you uncover some unresolved issues that parenting has caused to resurface in you.

If you've ruled out physical causes (paediatricians, GP's, natural therapies) then try lifestyle. Money is not everything.

PARENT HELPLINE: Parentline phone counselling is open between 8am and 10pm, 7 days a week. You can call Parentline on 1300 30 1300 for the cost of a local call. Web Counselling is also available on Tuesday and Thursday between 11am and 2pm.

In response to: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

PrincessmollySenior Contributor06 July 2016, 5:32 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Dear @Former-Member thanks for your reply. Im booked in to see a psychologist next week she will be my third one iv seen about this issue. They just dont seem to get it. The last one compared my son to her naughty puppy (childless woman in 50's). Im getting pretty desperate. Iv battled depression for the last 20 years or so and iv tried various medications and therapies. Im also seeibg my GP next week about changing or upping my dose or even adding something extra. I feel like things will never get better. One of my parents left when i was very young and i wonder if its because they felt or acted this way. My one aim of parenthood was to give my son a better life than i had and a childhood he will look back fondly on not one he has to recover from. I feel like im causing irreparable damage and its too late to fix our mother son bond. I love my child so so much every time i loose my cool or say somethi bf to him that you shouldnt say to anyone let aline someine you love i am filled with such despair. I cant even describe it. I have no current plans but i have begun getting my finances and super etc in order because i truly beleive ill bever get better and i dont want him growing up with a mentally unstable parent. I wish i had someone to confide in. My husband just tells me to think positive and my friends and family just dont get my level of distress. Its lime talking to brick walls. No one understands how it feels to bot want to be alive fir 20 years straight. Sorry for the vent like i said iv got no one

In response to: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Unknown userMember06 July 2016, 6:04 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Of cause you want to give your child a better life than you had. Its never too late, Children WANT to, long to be close to us. They need to be for their very survival. He does love you & maybe missing you. Were you happy when you were pregnant?
Confide her for now - you're anonymous.
Can you find a psychologist that does 'family therapy' ? It takes a village to raise a child - can you find a couple of interest groups for young families? Community gardens or church just popped into my mind. Even going for a regular walk or bike ride together. Had to be relaxing.
Start taking quality Omega-3 supplements - x2 twice a day with food & megamag & lots of home made vegie soup & I'll be surprised if that & walking doesn't help reduce those stress levels.
You sound lonely.

There are some good people here to talk to. I've appreciated @Faith-and-Hope, @sadegirl, @Decadian, @Former-Member, @NikNik, @Appleblossom, and so many more. You can also contact the forum moderator on duty by email direct: team@saneforums.org;

I'm sorry the last 20yrs have been so hard for you. Don't give up. Live for the good days. Keep moving fwd, Sometimes 2 forward one back but keep going.

Read as much as you can, get informed. I'm confident you'll feel stronger soon.
Big hug💕

In response to: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

PrincessmollySenior Contributor06 July 2016, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

@Former-Member thank yoy fir your replies uou truly are lovely. I started my oregnancy happy but mid pregnancy one of my parents took their life and its been a downward spiral for me since

In response to: Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor06 July 2016, 7:15 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Hi @Princessmolly

You sure could use a friend right now !! Thanks for tagging some more of us in here @Former-Member.

I will tag some Mods in now too, because there are likely to be some other services available to you @Princessmolly that we are not clued up on, although @Former-Member has certainly been offering you a lot of positive suggestions ...... it sounds like you might need the physical support of child health nurses or someone who can come and visit you, or even respite centres designed to take in mums and troublesome bubs and help them get their mojo together .....

@NikNik @CherryBomb @Former-Member @Fancy_Pants

This is one way to flag the Moderators, another is the email address in @Former-Member's post, another is the "Report Inappropriate Content" button (bottom left on your post box). Whoever is on will be flagged.

I think when we have kids we assume things will be relatively easy, or natural, or something ..... and there is all this media hype about "perfect parenting" - whatever that is - but I had a gorgeous book by Dr Christopher Green when my lot were little, and I remember a lot of the simple common-sense advice he offered. And a lot of it was about staying chilled as a parent, and not sweating the small stuff, and not trying to get everything "right" too much .... kids don't operate like little robots, where you feed in all the right data, and press all the right buttons .... and they don't call it the "terrible two's" for nothin' ...... It sounds like you are trying really hard to follow all the modern advice, along with working, managing daycare - the lot. I am sure there is a gentle-handed support person available who can walk you through it all and help you sort what suits you and your son the best.

And some personalities are more cranky and feisty than others, right from the cradle !!! Maybe you've got one of those .... but there are pros and cons ..... maybe that little personality needs baby relaxation classes or something ....

You have done the right thing reaching out, and you are definitely not alone. Keep swimming ..... we've got you, and others will come to your rescue too ..... won't all happen overnight, but the improvements will start making life easier for all of you.

🌷💕

In response to: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

etherial2Contributor06 July 2016, 8:04 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Hang in there @Princessmolly, 🐰♥

In response to: Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

DecadianSenior Contributor06 July 2016, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

@Princessmolly

I hope you are there now because I hear you

I had a child like that - I know what you are saying and you need help

Really - I don't know what you can do on your own - I have been where you are now - desperate and alone

Pretty sure too that your son knows something terrible happened when one of your parents ended their life - and that is terrible -

How bad are you feeling - I think you should ring Life Line and talk to them - or if you feel you are going to find yourself a really bad patch and you and your son are not safe then ring 000

Over 40 years ago I had no help - I lived that nightmare when my son was that age and I know the desperation - and the helplessness - it is a terrible dark place to be

I will never critisize your behaviour - because I feel as if I have been waiting all these year to hear what you are saying and I understand - I know

Please get some help for yourself asap - if you can't last for morning - right now

I am just an ordinary woman typing a message to you from the past almost - though I am here on the 6th of July 2016 - I empathise - I know

And it's no one's fault - your son is feeling as helpless as you are and that screaming you can hear is your own voice too - screaming for help

Whatever your emotions - they are what they are

Lots of thoughts for you

Decadian

In response to: Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

PrincessmollySenior Contributor06 July 2016, 10:17 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Thankyou for your reply, i will try get a hold of that book it sounds great

In response to: Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

PrincessmollySenior Contributor06 July 2016, 10:23 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Thankyou @Decadian you have a great way with words. Its good to know im not alone. i am trying to reach out and get help im about to see my third psychologist, iv seen a counsellor, my gp and a psychiatrist in the last 2 years. I wish there was a support group for parents like me where we could meet face to face. I feel im surrounded by people doing amazing and im just trying to maintain my sanity. Its very isolating.

In response to: Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor06 July 2016, 10:37 pm AEST

Re: I keep losing it with my toddler. Please help.

It's this one @Princessmolly

He also has one called "Babies" - you might find that one useful too.

And you might find them in the library.

❤️

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