Bloody Furioua

Hey @utopia. You have every right to be furious. I would too. But more than that you should be more proud of yourself. Choosing not to drink is huge under that pressure and shows how strong you are. As for your son I suggest a heap of jobs coming his way to make up for it. I'm probably in the same boat financially as you and I would be devastated and curse my son and be bloody angry at him. Good job dropping him at your mums too. I recommend you start writing a list of jobs as his consequence. It's probably better for him to see what it's going to cost him and you. Take care, it's so hard when you are in the middle of this teenage rubbish. Thinking of you and sending hugs😊💜

Hi @utopia, I second Teej's thoughts. Amazing self-control to stay sober which such huge provocation. It's great that you are able to still see that 'he's normally a really good kid' so soon after this incident. I'm afraid that my anger would have obscured that for much longer!

It sounds like you have a plan to help him understand the impact of what he did and start to repay you. Go forth and teach that lesson 🙂

Hi @utopia, please don't think I judged you or your son. I have 4 sons aged 16-21. One was an easy teenager, one medium, one difficult and one really difficult. At one stage or another they all tested my strength and anger to its limits so I just put it down to a teenage brain fade. They still do from time to time. I have one gamer too so I can see how it would happen. I hope you are finding some peace for now. I'm sure he won't do it again. Take care😊💜

Hi @utopia

I don't know if it helps to hear it, but my youngest, in distress over school issues a month or so ago burned through enough internet data on her mobile phone to serve a small household ..... I was so gob-smacked cos she had already been chipped over a fraction of that use last year .....

And my second youngest spent a bomb of his money - yes it was his - on something really frivolous, and paid for a mate (who couldn't afford it) to do the same, when their friends would all have been putting that sort of money towards their first car .... and the friend ended up taking two years to pay the money back !! I was furious with that too .... that's not the way we have raised our kids .....

I agree with @Former-Member - I would call it a teenage brain-snap. Kids doing stupid stuff you know they know / knew they shouldn't have. And yes, there have to be consequences - I like what @Former-Member said about making him earn it off with chores. And the policeman talking-to is another good one !

But soooo well done to yoooouuu !! 🌟🏆🌟

Taking your hand back off that fridge handle was you taking back charge of your life ❣

Way to go Mama ❣

@utopia

Anger is a normal response to his deceit and it is hard for them to both pay it back and win back trust. $600 is a bloody lot of money. Congrats on not mucking up your own journey re drinking.

I had a similar situation with son but it was less ... he paid it back and got real about money ... well kind of ...

It was about 8 years ago and he has never gone there again ... so it is possible to heal ... but they need to learn the damage is on quite a few levels.

I am forgiving and a soft touch but for adulthood they need to know what it takes to run a household. I would tighten up.

We actually struggled with a string of burgluries and had police involved ...one was his playstation so though we were insured ... it drove the message home ... about the law, money and honesty.

@utopia

Strange creatures they are, teenagers ..... that's why I call them baby dragons ...... it's the time of matamorphasis ..... the young man is coming out of the boy .....

Just a FYI here - medical research has apparently discovered in recent years (the last 10 or so) that the human brain goes through its greatest growth period during the late teenage into early 20s years, similar to the massive brain growth that happens in toddlers (behavioural similarities ??) and effectively their brains are souped up and difficult for them to manage .....

That's the reason why they start sleeping a lot more, and sleeping after midnight, then trying to sleep in half the day .... hormonal-emotional-cocktail-mix

And they start shooting off at the mouth ..... my kids have told me later that their brain was saying "Okay, shut up now, you're talking stupidly and upsetting your mum, you're gonna get in trouble here .... time to shut your mouth .... you need to shut your mouth now !!" but their mouth just kept going anyway .....

So at times, like with your $600, something seems like a great idea at the time .... or at least a sustainable idea .... and the sense of consequences is dulled down by the wilfulness they are dominated with at the time .... and in hindsight when the consequences land back into their place, they feel incredibly ridiculous ....and often lash out at that point in defence of what is left of their self-respect .... all very naughty and confusing .... but they desperately need the consequences to be there.

They need someone to back up their knowledge that what they did was absolutely the wrong thing, and they need to pay some sort of penalty .... they need that reassurance that somebody cares, somebody will be in control when they lose the plot ..... they are not alone in this scary state, and they will grow up and out of it ...

Think something like that happens with husband-in-mid-life-crisis too .... defintely some dragon characteristics in his current hormonal-emotional-cocktail-mix .... can't quite work out what he's morphing into ....