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Making friends in your 30s and beyond

PrincessmollySenior Contributor05 July 2016, 9:35 pm AEST

Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Hi everyone i was wondering if anyine would have some tips on how to make friends when you are over 30 and shy. Iv been a part of lot of friendship groups depending on who i was dating. Iv always been the one to end my relationships and have always lost my couple friends in the process. I met my husband and we married fairly quickly. He was new in town though and knows no one. I havent lived here very long and was ditched by the friends i had made with my ex. Im feeling really lonely a lot of the time and almost defeated. Its like people only like my partners and not me 😢 im in my mid 30s with a child. I am getting more introverted as the years pass and have no interests or hobbies

12 replies

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In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Unknown userMember05 July 2016, 9:48 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Hi @Princessmolly
im not sure i've met you, but hi! Im same age and find it really hard to find friends and meet people. plus being a single mum doesnt give me much 'me' time. How old is your child? is there anything that he or she does that would help you meet people? if they're young, there's lots of baby/toddler classes/groups run at local libraries these days that could be a casual way to meet people? or if they're a bit older a sport or hobby for them that could help you get out and meet people. Or perhaps its a good time to find an interest or hobby just for you...?
lj

In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

utopiaSenior Contributor06 July 2016, 1:33 am AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

@Princessmolly. I had the same issue when moving to the country with a primary school aged kid. I sed to hang around the other mu mm s at pick up times. I would go to the school assembly. I would go to the sport he played - great way to meet women, because we all have to volunteer with canteens, sausage sizzles and washing uniforms. So meeting other mums is good. You may find there is an exercise group in your town that you can join. Lots of services in the country towns need volunteers. Buy the local paper - see what community events are coming up. Join a church or a yoga or meditation group. See if there may be a community facebook page for your town. Talk to people at the shops. Let them know your new to town. Ask them for suggestions. I bet you will have some female company really soon.
Let us know how you get on.
Oh walking a dog in my town takes twice as long as everyone wants to pat her. Suggestion.

In response to: Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

PeppiPattySenior Contributor11 July 2016, 10:27 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Hello @Princessmolly

My name is @PeppyPatti and I'm 48 years old. My hubby and I married very quickly, we have been together for 5 years maybe 6 not including an 18 month seperation. We spend 24/7 together, which has it's difficulties as well as highlights.

I LIKE very much that you are asking this question. I really think that there is a feeling of being resentful and angry from loneliness.

In the past, my Mother has absolutely shattered any self confidence I have had and I havent been able to leave the home or.....have anough space in my head to think of others.

Now I'm on the right medication and I can see that I am more comfortalbe with myself.

Being comfortalbe with myself, I feel has given me more confidence to allow good woman in my life.

the issue we have is sometimes we dont know how to make friends.

Nice meeting you, PP

In response to: Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

plasmoSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 4:07 am AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

try meetup.com there are groups for shyness, anxiety and for all age groups and it's pretty informal. your local council or library might have a list of other community groups

In response to: Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

BlueBellsSenior Contributor21 July 2016, 12:24 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Hi there @Princessmolly 🙂

As others said, depending on your childs age, join a playgroup, or the parent-teacher association, and get involved that way.

You sound a lot like I was, but I so didn't want my children growing up as introverted as me that I forced myself out of my comfort zone and got involved for their sakes.

At times I'd be so nervous that I'd go deaf, that made it really difficult, but I pushed on. Takes a lot of effort, but it has been worth it.

Mind you, I'd feel so relieved to get back home and shut the door 🙂 🙂 🙂

Hugs 🙂

In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

NebSenior Contributor29 July 2016, 6:26 am AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

I am sorry to hear how lonesome you are! Evidently, you are not a church person, the Protestant churches do fellowship really well. A lot of churches do have outreach things like craft groups and stuff, you can go even if you are not affiliated with the church. If you have any hobbies, there are bound to be a group you can join, the more physical ones have a wider spread of ages and gender. Pubs and clubs appeal to some folk.

i am a passionate needlewoman and yarn Meister. Just returned from a fabulous week in Auckland at the Embroiderers Guild knees up. 500 smiling passionate needle women and a couple of men was a joy....such beautiful items created by everyday people.....oh yeah I gave the wallet a pounding too, my town has very little in the way of my hobby needs.

In response to: Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

AppleblossomSenior Contributor29 July 2016, 7:12 am AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

Yarn Meister ... lovely term @Neb

Puts your pic in perspective.

Hi @Princessmolly

I dont have any other suggestions ... but keep reaching out ... and dont take other's shortcomings as a reflection of you ... everyones got heaps of baggage ... listen to your feelings they are part of the key to relationships ...

In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

1731LCSenior Contributor19 Aug 2016, 2:22 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

@Princessmolly

I totally understand your loneliness.

I am in my mid 50's, I moved interstate a few years back.

Left all my friends behind.

I can be shy at times, and i tend to loose friends that i have made over the years.

All to do with the fact of when growing up i wernt allowed to have friends over or go to visit friends.

I now have some really genuine caring friends, that i know they are always only a phone call away.

Sorry going off track a little.

When i first moved interstate.

I looked in the local magazine, chose all things that i enjoy being involved in.

Bush Walking, Yoga, Gym, Swimming, a Gardening club.

Volunteering within my little Community.

I was thinking if yourself & your child like to garden.

most towns suburbs have a community garden.

maybe you would like to start there.

I find here in our town, they are very friendly at our community garden.

as well very helpful.

I hope this has been of some help.

It can be very hard at times.

Baby steps.

I wish you both well 👍

In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

PrincessmollySenior Contributor19 Aug 2016, 9:26 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

@Neb sadly not a church person. I have thought about joining a church for the social aspect but id just be faking it. Iv never believed in god even refused to do religious studies in primary school. If there is a god they are probably punishing me 😂😂

In response to: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

3SpudsCasual Contributor22 Aug 2016, 9:02 pm AEST

Re: Making friends in your 30s and beyond

G'day from Australia Princessmolly. I guess I'm shy but friendly so I tend to make friends easy. I usually start out "G'day my name is ..... how are ya?" which is "Hello my name is .... how are you?"

I then proceed with "Are you a local or on holiday?" I also find that having interests that you like is a good icebreaker. Don't be shy to admit you're new to town and that you find it hard to make friends - people appreciate honesty.

Be yourself, after a little conversation ask would you like to have a coffee sometime? I find that if they're locals, keep the conversations light, and you then have more to talk about the more you get to know the person. Travellers you can basically have a long talk (if they have time) as you may not see them again, but you also may get a number or e-mail address off then to keep in touch.

Also if you don't feel like talking to anyone you have that right as we all feel like that at times, but remember friendships, like all things in life, depend on what you put into them as to what you get back, also random acts of kindness help put a smile your face. Good luck

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