Loss of a safe place?

Hey all,

I think like some, if not most other people here, I am stuck it the pits of depression again. This complete change of day to day life due to the current world circumstances has totally taken me off track of my recovery. Feeling like I have no control is triggering the same feelings I had when enduring abuse as a child.

The worst thing at the moment, and this sounds so petty and lame, is how devasted, angry and confused I feel about losing my access to my education. Learning has always been a safe place for me. I could excel in school whilst being hurt at home. I could leave all that rubbish at the school gate and just delve deep into science and maths and english and forget what was happening. I never finished high school due to abuse at home and the onset of DID. But I managed to get into Uni and I love it. It was my safe place after therapy, after I was well enough to discontinue my medication. It was the place I could plan for life, be like everyone else and move forward and feel "normal". Having lost that to closures of the education, despite it moving to online, has taken that safe place away from me. I am so lost? I know that I place a large junk of my identity into my academic life whilst other parts of me handle the rest of things - now that role has been taken away, I can't cope. I don't know what I am good for without it? I can't relate to my partner or his family that we live with - I don't know what I am supposed to be doing and it is making me feel such despair. Thank you for listening to this rant 😕