I have to ask this question and it could be triggering for some.....

I'm really glad to know you too @Bunniekins You have just really validated me. I was out on a limb a bit with what I shared here. xoxo

@Bunniekins Oh wow I was off lol . I think it can be hard when you do something you regret and can’t take it back but for me the fact that you regret it in the first place says that you are still a good person because if someone didn’t care and they did something awful then maybe they are lacking empathy or maybe don’t understand why it was bad, which doesn’t make them a bad person but I guess they haven’t made progress and at the very least feeling guilty would indicate that you have learned and stuff. Idk how to explain what I am thinking but everyone makes mistakes and even if we do make a huge mistake as long as we try and do better next time then it is still ok. I guess I mean you shouldn’t be ashamed if it was something that happened when you weren’t yourself and that you have done everything you can to fix/try not to do again. We can’t be “good” all the time but we can try and learn and grow from our experiences.

@Appleblossom Apple you have reminded me of when I was very small my father encouraged me to have a puff of his cigar. I was only small and of course I did and consequently coughed my lungs out. He thought it was hilarious .... I really dont know how some of us survive our childhoods. Love always pea xxxx

@eth eth xx

@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 thank you and yes you are right as long as we keep trying to be our best and to stay sane (lol) that is all we can ask of ourselves.Love peaxxx

Yes @Bunniekins those were the days ... huh!

I refused cigarettes a few times to be harangued, mocked and ridiculed. There were no safe places, in the end I smoked heavily for 10 years ... it is why in the end I avoided the rocknroll culture and went classical, at least I was not being forced to imbibe in substances ... ha ha ... until ... I was paid in a nice bottle of red ... and got sick of supporting the wine fundraisers ... I could not give away enough bottles ... and yes .. I know alcohol is legal .. to amke money with taxes ... whatever ... der ...

I am sorry your father did that to you @Bunniekins

I saw a lot of males doing that kind of thing. I was lucky my father did not. He did have empathy and a social conscience. Maybe I idealised him as he was gone so early, but I honestly never saw him being mean and he supported my mother in discipline of the children. She never knew how lucky she was. It took a long long while for me to find Australian males who acted in a similar polite considerate way. Far and few between, unfortunately, but they do exist.

@Appleblossom You are a good person Apple. Thank you for apologizing for my father's actions. No one actually ever has. My mum is too absorbed in her own misery regarding him whilst my sister has wiped out every negative experience she ever had with him (which I still to this day find amazing!).

I am glad that you had a good and caring father. I am sorry it was only for a brief period of time ...... so hard for chilldren..... so unfair. You havent spoken much about your mum ..... I am sorry if it is painful to go over. I just hope you have come to some kind of peace to any childhood pain that you experienced.Love peaxxx.