BPD-GirlCasual Contributor
Fallen into a massive depression
Hey all, my name is Simone and I’m not really sure where to start so guess I’ll just start.. what has occurred with the commencement of the lockdown from COVID-19 has pushed me over the edge and I am mentally struggling on a pretty deep level.
On the 19th March I went in for laparoscopy surgery for a pre-existing condition.. I took a week and a half off work, basically isolated myself from everyone and used the time to get some much needed rest and boy did I need it! As someone who is always busy working 1 full time job in admin and 2 part time jobs and a hike leader and Uber driver, exercising almost every night, volunteering for parks Victoria and not getting much time to relax I was loving the idea of finally putting my feet up!
When I recovered from surgery I was well rested and ready and more determined then ever to push on with all the stuff I filled my time with.. as soon as I went to do so we’re suddenly all in lockdown..
I was told I’m working from home so no need to go into the office, I received an email from Parks to say volunteering has been ceased, where I exercise normally is closed, I was fired from my part time job as a hike leader and Uber isn’t safe to do. One thing after another...
It has been 3 weeks now and I have basically had no social contact with anyone except my boyfriend. I stay home all day completely alone.
I feel like I just watched everything I worked for for months go down the drain and I feel like there is no hope as I now have to start all over again.
I did Uber so I could pay off my debt quicker as my full time job pays monthly.. my buffer zone from Uber is being quickly chewed up. I did volunteering as I have a ambition to work with Parks Victoria one day. I was applying for 3 day a week jobs so I could study the qualification needed to work for Parks and despite applying for various jobs months before the lockdown and no calls I get a call 3 days after lockdown asking me to attend an interview for a job which would have been perfect! I had to turn it down because I need employment stability. What timing!
What is the worst thing is when I feel down, upset or fed up with the world I go on a solo hike.. I get away.. I am now barred from doing that and feel like I’m a prisoner. All my passions, dreams, ambitions out of reach.
I have been stuck in my own head for weeks and my mind is turning to the dark side. I can’t see anything positives anymore and there is no hope.. seemingly.
I am stuck at a job I am miserable at and hate! now not able to leave.. there’s nothing getting me through the day. I have no escape, no outlet, nothing to look forward to and because of my mind turning on me my moods are foul and my boyfriend and I are on a tether..
I know theres worse out there then me but it just feels everything I worked for, that made me happy, wanted to achieve, did achieve is gone.. I don’t feel like myself anymore.
Thank you for listening.
). The debt thing is challenging, but it sounds like most of Australia will be in the same boat, many people will be unable to pay debts and I don't doubt there will need to be a national understanding from big organisations. I think the best thing we can do is take it day by day, use this time to continue to expand your knowledge of environmental science and conservation, because when this all comes to - you will be so much more equipped and knowledgable! Doors will open again at your dream job, dream jobs are always there for the taking 
