Got_the_tshirtSenior Contributor
COVID changes triggering acute symptoms
Today is the worst day I have had for a while. By miles!
I sort of knew it was coming, because social sport and connectivity was such a crucial part of my coping strategy.
But now it's here, and it hurts. A lot.
I'm in the acute space of pain and symptoms, where all I've learned about self care and coping mechanisms have virtually no impact. There's no "solution" per se, other than just trying to ride it out and hope that things improve. But atm every minute seems like an hour - the more it hurts, the slower time passes.
What's worse, is that as a family we're probably in far better shape than many others right now - and I'm certainly mindful that everyone is having unprecedented challenges right now - but that just adds guilt.... that I shouldn't be feeling this bad when there are doubtless many worse off than me.
But I suppose that is depression's great trick - it even turns good things against you when it's really got its teeth into you. It dismantles logic, beats you up, and tells you that this is just the start and things are only going to get worse.
Experience tells me to just ride the wave as best I can - as this will pass even if it doesn't feel like it right now - but it's very hard to cling to that message when depression is pounding you to a pulp.
I've normally posted for others, trying to offer support, understanding and ideas about how to cope. It feels silly to have done so when I can still be the one needing help. But I suppose that's ok - to offer help when you can, but ask for it when you need it?
Perhaps sharing my pain might help others who may also be struggling? To know that they are not alone. That they are not the only one who's hurting? That others are in pain, but also care about the pain of others (as well as their own). After all - we're all in this together right?
So if you're hurting right now, especially if like me you've been fairly decent for a while, please know that you're not the only one who has fallen off course (crashed might be more accurate!). Routine changes, isolation, financial and other uncertainty, fear, concern about covid19 and what it is doing to people - and what it might do - and how it might be affecting those close to you - and how long it might go for - are all significant triggers that, on reflection, are enough to throw anyone off balance. But if you have an existing mental illness, then such stressors are often significantly magnified, sometimes exponentially, and it's quite understandable that they may throw us of course - or into complete disarray.
Thinking about it like that, and sharing this, has already helped me a little bit. Perhaps it's a good reminder that wherever possible we shouldn't suffer in silence - but share our pain, experience, and successes - in order to help each other navigate the present moment and whatever may ie ahead.
Thank you if you took the time to read this. Sending my best wishes th the SANE community and each of your families, friends and loved ones.
Take care,
GTT
