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Something’s not right

Suicidal thoughts

Wolfie74Contributor

Suicidal thoughts

Its been a difficult few weeks, suicidal thoughts seem to be a constant at the moment. Hoping that today is the day that it ends . Often painfully like a punishment. Everyday .... I smile and carry on at work ( I'm a nurse) caring for others 100 % love caring for others but I don't want to be here full stop. It's something I can't stop. I get panic attacks and have weird periods where I feel totally disconnected from what's happening around me. Like I'm on slow motion or something and I don't understand what I'm feeling . I talk to my deceased mum a lot too she's always talking to me about what I can do to stop my pain . She doesn't understand or know what happened with my brother when I was a young teen. Only my psychologist knows but I havnt even told him the full extent . I'm scared if I say it or write it then it makes me dirty and worthless that I should of stopped it happening . I know I need to say it to hopefully move forward but it's just stuck inside . How do I say it ? Who will judge me ? What if it makes no difference ?

Shall I just type it here.. now ?

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In response to: Suicidal thoughts

MilliemeSenior Contributor

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Understanding, maybe too well, so much of your post and in particular elements of the last part. There's no judgement from me, just sorrow that you've been through 'stuff' and like so many others are left to deal with the ongoing consequences.
Im also working in a situation that is overwhelming and difficult at the moment, while i want to be caring and supportive and do my best for others... im scared too, for my kids and being able o cope. everything is changing and theres not a huge amount i can control.
Some of the unknowns/decisions i had to make were taken out of my hands by my GP today who made some decisions for and with me, im grateful but terrified of the consequences at the same time. one day at a time.
take care

In response to: Suicidal thoughts

LJESenior Contributor

Re: Suicidal thoughts

I can hear the pain you're in, @Wolfie74 and I want you to know you are most definitely not alone. There is absolutely no judgment from me or anyone here... so you say/write as much or as little as you like and we are here to listen!

From someone who also experiences these thoughts often, the disconnect between our public persona and our private pain can seem immense at times. It's exhausting and overwhelming but I'm so glad you reached out. Is there anything that you normally do when things start to get this way? Things that can help or alleviate some of the burden?

I see others are checking in on you too and I'm sending you lots of love, peace and strength. Xx

In response to: Re: Suicidal thoughts

Wolfie74Contributor

Re: Suicidal thoughts

It’s time just asking sure everything's ok . Speakingb to my psychologist tomorrow then reassess . But it's time . To be still

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