No Not Again

💕 @Snowie

I want all this to end @Snowie . I am tired of fighting. Im tired of being tired. I do my best to put all these things in place to help distract my thoughts and to try and calm my anxiety down but I can only do that for so long before I get tired and then the thoughts and urge to SH comes back like a frieght train. I just think what's the point.
I am safe at the moment @Snowie .

Hi there @Lee82 .

I am sorry to hear how tough things are for you right now. It's great you are reaching out on the forums for support. I'm also going to send you a quick email to check in

I can understand that @Lee82 There are times where I have wanted it all to end.

Sometimes it is hard to see into the future and we think whats the point in trying anymore.

It does get better hun. Yes it may be one step forward and two steps back but we just keep doing what we can do to get through the days. Even if like me, many times, we just take it minute by minute.

I am glad to hear you are trying to distract yourself even though it is hard and tiring. That urge to SH like you, is with me most days. Our brain screams at us to do it, to get some relief, to punish ourselves. Does it ever go away, I'm not sure, but do know that you don't have to go through this alone. We are here for you and with you in this journey. ❣❣

Thank you @Snowie For your kind words. I don't want to have another night like last night . I am too tired mentally. I have taken those 2 steps back and I can't help but be angry with myself. I work so damn hard to step forward. It takes a lot of work a lot of energy to go forward but only 1 little thing to send me backwards.

Understand completely @Lee82

it is hard to take those steps forward. Sometimes they are only baby steps and that is ok. I know you are working hard and trying your best, but sometimes it feels like nothing makes a difference.

I often get angry at myself for not coping better, for SH, for not doing a better job.

It is frustrating and upsetting all at the same time.

I hope tonight is kinder to you. I plan to take my meds plus prn to get through tonight.

Lot of love hun 💖💜

I'm so sorry @Snowie I feel terrible talking about my struggles when I know you have struggles too and so does everyone on this forum. I feel really guilty talking about what I'm going through when I know others are suffering too but I have no one out in the world that I can talk to. No family no friends no partner. No one.

Please don't feel terrible @Lee82

The forums are here as a soounding platform. Sometimes that means receiving support and other times that means giving support.

You don't need to feel guilty, if I wasn't able to support you then I wouldn't respond hun. We all need that support and sometimes we cannot get it in real life so we muct look beyond.

Never be sorry for posting how you feel and how you are going, that's why we are here, to help/support each other.

On here, you are not alone hun 💜

Thank you @Snowie you are so sweet. I feel like I'm stuck in a terrible loop with no way out of it. Every day is the same. I am hurting everyday. Every minute of every day. Some days more than others but that pain is always there. I am so angry for allowing myself to get where I am mentally.

I'm sorry you are feeling that way @Lee82 It is easy to get angry with ourselves.

Please remember to be kind to yourself, you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.

If it was others you would be telling them to be kind to themselves, so I am going to tell you to be kind to yourself hun.

Baby steps....💜