Isolating the Isolated

Called Lifeline again last night. Not sure why I thought it would be different to the other times. Just the usual advice, the same things I have been doing most of my life any way, and then bounced me back to the doctor. Called the doctor this morning, who bounced me back to Lifeline. The same cold circle as always.

But they have been my only contact with other people this week. It is not like there is anyone to call and talk with, or Skype or Whatsapp with or anything. I am invisible. Wish it was something that would go away with just a phone call or whatever. But it doesn't. Never has. Yet I seem to exist just as text on a screen. It feels like I cease to be as simply as someone turning off their computer or phone, or even just leaving the page ....

Hobbies and interests become just part of the endless circle of isolation, when there is nobody to really share them with. Maybe some people enjoy that, doing thing on their own, but, I have had a lifetime of that already ... and just want to share doing things with someone. Not just share it after the fact, posted online. But share the actual experience.

But it never happens.

Hi there @JosRapp

I can imagine it is no fun at all getting bounced from GP to Lifeline. A cold circle indeed! And you write so poignantly about your circle of isolation which it is very moving.

I really hope that the circle gets broken for you but in this time of international isolation it may be quite a wait for you. Hang in there. I wonder if you might consider reaching out the the SANE Help Centre as an alternative. You can get a call back or go on Chat.

stay strong

Whitehawk

Hi @Former-Member

Yeah. Have tried the Sane Help Center chat, but it wasn't very good. Felt like just talking with a bot really, the same 'advice', and then bounced back to talk to a therapist. Not very helpful, even at the best of times, let alone in the current climate. It was the same as Lifeline and BeyondBlue really. Cold, and really felt like they didn't understand.

So yeah.

Talking to the SANE online chat the other day has really only made things worse. Feel utterly invisible and unimportant.

The silence is like something thick in the air. Something that the TV, the radio, music, can't cut through. It's more than just a lack of sound. It's like an increasing feeling that I just don't belong in this world. I know I have a lot to offer, but, how can you, when nobody will stop and look. Life is more than just simply existing. So much more than just looking what everyone else is doing on Facebook. Yet ....

Yet these words, right here, seem to be the only proof of my existence. Text on a screen, that anyone can just turn off and walk away from.

How can you explain the need for an emotional connection? Trying to explain the need for a physical connection is hard enough, in a world that just expects you to reduce everything to something bought and sold. Even therapists have never understood touch deprivation, let alone the need for an emotional connection. Or even just the chance to have those things.

I don't know what else to do.

Hey @JosRapp , I am sorry about how you are feeling and completely understand how you feel with lifeline, doctor ect. While I understand that I don't have any words of wisdom that might help.

Just know that I am here, I am listening but more importantly I hear you. 💖

Just checking in with @JosRapp

@Former-Member @JosRapp

In my case it's interesting....I reckon that the SI hasn't affected me at all...

I'm agoraphobic ...I still go to work as I am in 'essential services'....so I have to face the public as long as the government doesn't shut everyone down...

i used to be part of something ...a big 'gathering' every weekend but that is the only thing that has been taken away....I don't miss it too much for a few reasons....one reason is I don't get along with someone who is actively involved there so because I don't have to go there anymore I don't see that person....it's a sad story ...

wasted a lot of time ...nothing to do with 'relationship' this was an activity I used to be part of then I quit ...

I don't have any 'friends' or people I need to talk to in the 'real' world ....

except telehealth session with psych which I am waiting for them to email me and tell me about the Medicare cover...I should email them...

i like to watch shows on my laptop...

that is my main interest and read the news about coronavirus

Hi and nice to meet you @jamesle2015 , Izzy is in an essential services position as well so we still get out of the house. SI isn't really causing much disruption to her daily routine. The only thing she misses is seeing her great nieces and nephews every second weekend. I try and avoid the news on covid19 as it messes with my anxiety even though we don't go out really at all.

I am sorry you had to leave/quit your activity. Izzy is obsessed with Harry Potter and the Marvel Universe. We are watching Age of Ultratron at the moment.

My psych said that there had been no changes to current mental health plans, no one can have unlimited sessions though. I didn't even know you could have unlimited I do my 10 sessions then pay for the rest.

Hoe you are having a peaceful night. Nikki (alter/protector)

Thanks @Former-Member. Not doing very well really. Keep seeing and reading how all this stuff will make people more connected and stuff, so, I decided to call my parents. That was a bad idea. They were more annoyed that they were being reminded that I exist, and to be honest, I am tired of feeling like I should be apologising for that.

The SI is dragging up a lot of stuff really. I have always had to isolate myself because of bullying, and really most of that was about how I had no friends, that I was to ugly to be wanted, that nobody would ever want to touch me. So all this is just like going through all that all over again. Sometimes it doesn't need to be words that are said. Silence can say it even louder.