SehnsuchtSenior Contributor
Overkill
Life is not slowing down any time soon, I have an unrelated medical condition that, go figure, is easiest treated with a type of anti-depressant. I noted quite a lot of questions to my partner and myself about how we were in general before he offered that this medication might work.
I later went to the GP who prescribed the anti-depressant (he's awesome, great with my kids too), and disclosed my MI history, the most I know is a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder at around about 18/19/20. GP reassured me the dosage of my medication is not enough to be relevant to any MI therapeutic value or concern. But all the same, the side effects read suicidal ideation, and are known so well for this side effect that newer anti-depressants for years have been better favoured.
So I asked that I get a referral to a psychiatrist (because, they specialise in medicinal/chemical mental illness therapy and the interactions meds have with disorders/illnesses). I thought this a responsible and relevant thing to do. Even if just to ease my mind from the paranoia that this could all go wrong, or is going wrong. At least if I'm being seen by someone or have a plan in place that my partner is involved in, I can relax and take these meds without fear of it all going wrong and it being so out of the blue and misunderstood that I'll be divorced and have my girls taken away from me before I finally end up in crisis care and by then the context is too late and too much damage done before I can even hope for help.
I immediately got the feeling the GP was leaning more towards a psychologist, if I'd like, but wrote out referrals for both.
I have since had the session I booked with the psychiatrist, and fark me, what an obnoxious Fruedian ick. I came away after half an hour having only discussed my parents, having him dismiss my previous diagnosis and replace it with 'you have a personality disorder', the details of which weren't offered, which had me sat bewildered wondering if I was being analyzed for asking/not asking into it. Should anyone ever have to ask? It was awful! Other things I remember are being told it is my ambivalence that is the problem, not knowing who I am, a conflict between being me as a child and me as an adult, and me as half mum and me as half dad. Whaaaaaaaaaat. I came away feeling victim blamed, dismissed, not safe. Mostly the not safe thing. I don't want to discredit this guy's potential genius in diagnostics, but what logic gives him reason to have half an hour with me and have that be more powerful evidence/observation than the work of others over the course of 4 years? Surely, if he considered the diagnosis wrong, he'd be best to thoroughly test that? Isn't psychiatry meant to be a science these days? Because this felt more like being jabbed in the dark as he just randomly tossed jousting sticks about.
My problem is this. He passed me a card to a psychologist, "if you want", he says (so you're the dr, do I need this or not? In any other illness a dr gives referrals as he sees benefit! What the hell is 'if you want'?). I asked how do I know she won't just abuse me for not knowing answers to questions (as I experienced so often as a teen). He laughed (?) and said 'she won't, I assure you'.
So I have this business card, and I have my gp's psychologist referral, I have yet to check to see thay they're not the same person. What do I do? Like I said, while no doubt there are benefits to exploring my past and diagnoses and the like, I have not yet been actually listened to or acknowledged for being here, now.
I have a medication that significantly diminishes debilitating headaches. But I fear the medication because it is medication and because I fear my MI's and have no one currently in my life, professional or otherwise, that knows me as an unwell or has insight into how this manifests, and certainly not equipped to know how to help.
Am I looking for something that doesn't exist? Does anyone have any insights as to how I get what seems such a simple, logical, arguably necessary action plan/monitoring in place? Why isn't it a priority of GP/psychiatrist in first place? Do people need us to get unwell before they can help? I am too tired and draining in life at the present that I really truly can't find time or strength for this confusion and bullshite. How much of it is me being paranoid and/or OTT and how much is legitamate. How do I feel safe??
How do I use my remaining 9 medicare covered visits effectively?
I later went to the GP who prescribed the anti-depressant (he's awesome, great with my kids too), and disclosed my MI history, the most I know is a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder at around about 18/19/20. GP reassured me the dosage of my medication is not enough to be relevant to any MI therapeutic value or concern. But all the same, the side effects read suicidal ideation, and are known so well for this side effect that newer anti-depressants for years have been better favoured.
So I asked that I get a referral to a psychiatrist (because, they specialise in medicinal/chemical mental illness therapy and the interactions meds have with disorders/illnesses). I thought this a responsible and relevant thing to do. Even if just to ease my mind from the paranoia that this could all go wrong, or is going wrong. At least if I'm being seen by someone or have a plan in place that my partner is involved in, I can relax and take these meds without fear of it all going wrong and it being so out of the blue and misunderstood that I'll be divorced and have my girls taken away from me before I finally end up in crisis care and by then the context is too late and too much damage done before I can even hope for help.
I immediately got the feeling the GP was leaning more towards a psychologist, if I'd like, but wrote out referrals for both.
I have since had the session I booked with the psychiatrist, and fark me, what an obnoxious Fruedian ick. I came away after half an hour having only discussed my parents, having him dismiss my previous diagnosis and replace it with 'you have a personality disorder', the details of which weren't offered, which had me sat bewildered wondering if I was being analyzed for asking/not asking into it. Should anyone ever have to ask? It was awful! Other things I remember are being told it is my ambivalence that is the problem, not knowing who I am, a conflict between being me as a child and me as an adult, and me as half mum and me as half dad. Whaaaaaaaaaat. I came away feeling victim blamed, dismissed, not safe. Mostly the not safe thing. I don't want to discredit this guy's potential genius in diagnostics, but what logic gives him reason to have half an hour with me and have that be more powerful evidence/observation than the work of others over the course of 4 years? Surely, if he considered the diagnosis wrong, he'd be best to thoroughly test that? Isn't psychiatry meant to be a science these days? Because this felt more like being jabbed in the dark as he just randomly tossed jousting sticks about.
My problem is this. He passed me a card to a psychologist, "if you want", he says (so you're the dr, do I need this or not? In any other illness a dr gives referrals as he sees benefit! What the hell is 'if you want'?). I asked how do I know she won't just abuse me for not knowing answers to questions (as I experienced so often as a teen). He laughed (?) and said 'she won't, I assure you'.
So I have this business card, and I have my gp's psychologist referral, I have yet to check to see thay they're not the same person. What do I do? Like I said, while no doubt there are benefits to exploring my past and diagnoses and the like, I have not yet been actually listened to or acknowledged for being here, now.
I have a medication that significantly diminishes debilitating headaches. But I fear the medication because it is medication and because I fear my MI's and have no one currently in my life, professional or otherwise, that knows me as an unwell or has insight into how this manifests, and certainly not equipped to know how to help.
Am I looking for something that doesn't exist? Does anyone have any insights as to how I get what seems such a simple, logical, arguably necessary action plan/monitoring in place? Why isn't it a priority of GP/psychiatrist in first place? Do people need us to get unwell before they can help? I am too tired and draining in life at the present that I really truly can't find time or strength for this confusion and bullshite. How much of it is me being paranoid and/or OTT and how much is legitamate. How do I feel safe??
How do I use my remaining 9 medicare covered visits effectively?
