AnonAutistCasual Contributor
I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive
I'm not actively suicidal or in any immediate danger, but if I died from COVID-19 or something, I believe the net effect on the world would be positive. I feel guilty for thinking this, particularly in the current environment. But I really don't care if I live or die. I don't have any close friends/family to miss me (if I died at home, I probably wouldn't be found for months). I don't feel like I'm doing anything that has a positive impact on the world - my current 'job' is throwing a shot put, and that feels completely pointless. OTOH, I've accumulated a sizeable amount of superannuation over the years. And if I die, it all goes to charity.
People have told me I have so much ahead of me (the shot put throwing job thingy probably has something to do with that). Maybe, but it all feels meaningless. I used to do a lot of volunteer work, but now you pretty much have to go through a job application process to volunteer anywhere, and I can't sell myself or provide referees.
How do you do enough to make your ongoing existence feel like it has value?
