MDTSenior Contributor
Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Hi all.
I have made a new thread here. I need to do this to make it feel real and important or else it'll just be another comment I make on an already existing thread. There are many areas in my life where I feel like giving up. I don't really care how irrational it may sound. I don't care if it's silly. It's just how it is for me at the moment.
I've never been as good as what I am now (on paper) and I put that down to the supportive environment here on the forums.
But I am struggling again.
There are many things on my mind and in my life that are causing me to rethink a lot of what I thought I knew about family and friends. I need to review some things again.
I am also getting lazy around my physical health and diet. I eat a lot more rubbish and I've put on some weight (in the bad way). I used to be quite skinny but then I went to the gym and sorted that out. But lately I have had 0 motivation for exercise because I find it so boring. It's just really boring. I have no enjoyment in it anymore. I think I never really did, but I did it just to be healthy. Now I just don't care. I don't see any utility in doing it anymore.
I feel like giving up on dating. There are just too many fake people in the world and I am exhausted by it. I am also thinking that my lack of relationship in early 20s and late teens is a turn off for many girls my age. I'm trying to see the benefits in my situation but I don't believe there are any.
My sister's health is progressively getting worse. So is her social health. She is having fights with her friends. Mum babies her about a lot. It's not helping. Dad has given up I think. And he is also likely doing "things" behind my mum's back and she is turning a blind eye to it. I have no input on any of that so I simply have to sit by and watch it go down.
I hate my job but getting money is important. I had this conversation with my parents the other day. They seem to have the belief that I can get into something I want to do. I don't. I am trying to find the light and the way forward with that but I don't know how they can see it. I have a desire to go into journalism/writing. But that environment is so political and I don't think I'm able to "pick a side". My internship taught me how I can do it. But it's just such an effort. I don't know if I have the stamina to get there.
I think that's all I can think of for now. I am sitting here on my pc playing a videogame and waiting for food to arrive. I am worried I will just get worse if nothing is done. But that urgency seems small compared to anything else I can do.
In a nutshell - I am not well.
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