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Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Hi all.
I have made a new thread here. I need to do this to make it feel real and important or else it'll just be another comment I make on an already existing thread. There are many areas in my life where I feel like giving up. I don't really care how irrational it may sound. I don't care if it's silly. It's just how it is for me at the moment.
I've never been as good as what I am now (on paper) and I put that down to the supportive environment here on the forums.
But I am struggling again.
There are many things on my mind and in my life that are causing me to rethink a lot of what I thought I knew about family and friends. I need to review some things again.
I am also getting lazy around my physical health and diet. I eat a lot more rubbish and I've put on some weight (in the bad way). I used to be quite skinny but then I went to the gym and sorted that out. But lately I have had 0 motivation for exercise because I find it so boring. It's just really boring. I have no enjoyment in it anymore. I think I never really did, but I did it just to be healthy. Now I just don't care. I don't see any utility in doing it anymore.
I feel like giving up on dating. There are just too many fake people in the world and I am exhausted by it. I am also thinking that my lack of relationship in early 20s and late teens is a turn off for many girls my age. I'm trying to see the benefits in my situation but I don't believe there are any.
My sister's health is progressively getting worse. So is her social health. She is having fights with her friends. Mum babies her about a lot. It's not helping. Dad has given up I think. And he is also likely doing "things" behind my mum's back and she is turning a blind eye to it. I have no input on any of that so I simply have to sit by and watch it go down.
I hate my job but getting money is important. I had this conversation with my parents the other day. They seem to have the belief that I can get into something I want to do. I don't. I am trying to find the light and the way forward with that but I don't know how they can see it. I have a desire to go into journalism/writing. But that environment is so political and I don't think I'm able to "pick a side". My internship taught me how I can do it. But it's just such an effort. I don't know if I have the stamina to get there.
I think that's all I can think of for now. I am sitting here on my pc playing a videogame and waiting for food to arrive. I am worried I will just get worse if nothing is done. But that urgency seems small compared to anything else I can do.
In response to: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
SchitzoSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
@MDT you have done nothing to be sorry for. I hope you are ok 🌞
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Once things look a bit better tabs @TAB I want it to reflect where I am at in life atm
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Thanks @Schitzo my friend its good to see you
In response to: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Ribbet ribbet lil frog @frog
You are a great forumite friend 🙂
In response to: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Getting my coffee and bread hit and then going to go home and figure out my battle plan for today
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Okay @MDT
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
This will explain where I am at in life atm. I sent this to my pschologist.
The issue is work. I was able to speak to both my dad and mum during this week about it. Broadly speaking, work is just one facet of a problem I am in the middle of - there are other parts as well. Namely, the problem I am having at the moment in relation to knowing what to do and where to go - I actually just have no idea really. I got a tad upset on the way home yesterday talking my dad about it all and how hard it was, how angry I was that I have no idea.
The past 3 days at work have been quite trying. I slept a lot last night (i think about 10 hours or so). Fair to say it is having a negative effect on my moods, my attitude and my confidence in who I am and again, where I am headed in life.
When I took that month off back in August I was struggling to come to terms with whether or not I would quit my job and try to find something else. In the end I resolved to stay in the absence of a viable alternative. I made myself a promise that I would keep going at least until the end of the year. I'm close to that now and I am finding it hard to cope.
As I hinted at earlier, I was considering going to the ED but I guess last time I went they made it clear that if things get THAT bad next time then by all means go there but at the same time remember that the ED is a last resort for when things are really bad. I had that experience on Tuesday afternoon, save for one experience at work when I was talking to a colleague and laughing about something. If that didn't occur, I guess I would've gone to the ED. But even then, come Wednesday I was terrible at 11am. I wanted to leave without explaining anything. I spent the last hour of the day froliking about doing nothing in particular.
I'm still unsure if taking the month again is a potential course of action - but I do know that it will free up time for me to concentrate on polishing off my CV/Resume and looking for new jobs and places to apply to. My approach in August to that course of action was very different - I didn't want anything to do with finding a new job because I was so unsure.
I find that the work itself is dull, monotonous and perhaps most of all... soul crushing. In the sense that I am having no positive affect on anyone or anything. I just feel like a cog in the machine and I know for a fact that I deserve much better and am capable of much more. The present situation is one in which I can't prove that with my current job - and I have little experience before that. I guess I'm revealing how conflicted the situation feels for me at the moment anyway..
I know that I will need that month, but it is simply a case of deciding when to take it.
In terms of other aspects of life - further study potentially (no idea if i want to incur more debt, what to study specifically and if it is at all worth it anyway), friendships (paranoid about not being included), relationships (no dates despite getting matches, I have no stamina to talk about myself and my direction and what i do because i hate what i do and i have no idea where to go next in life so therefore basically no direction) and my living situation (at home at the age of 27 which I know is not uncommon, but it is something that bugs me combined along with the other problems I am having).
The past few days I haven't bothered to think too much about it because it is too depressing. I genuinely do feel like I am on the precipice of some sort of downward trend in my mental and physical health (i have really lost interest in physical fitness as a result of growing bored in life and my trajectory.... I don't see value in being fit.. or at least not as fit as what I could be... I don't want to become completely lazy..)
I don't know if that answers your question but it has turned into a bit of a rant at some level - but i hope it reveals my current situation.
If I could book an appointment asap that'd be best. In terms of leave from work I can just email my boss and say that I need it and that I can get a certification of some type to him. But yes, as I said, I want to make sure it's the right decision before I do so.
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MeowmySenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
@MDT hey, Hamza, hope you feel better soon
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
Hopefully @Meowmy Thanks 🙂
In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
MeowmySenior Contributor
Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......
@MDT hey Hamza, if it's any consolation, people like @TAB and I have been in similar situations in our younger years. So @TAB and I are still alive ha.
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