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Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MDTSenior Contributor14 Mar 2020, 7:06 pm AEDT

Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

Hi all.

I have made a new thread here. I need to do this to make it feel real and important or else it'll just be another comment I make on an already existing thread. There are many areas in my life where I feel like giving up. I don't really care how irrational it may sound. I don't care if it's silly. It's just how it is for me at the moment.

I've never been as good as what I am now (on paper) and I put that down to the supportive environment here on the forums.

But I am struggling again.

There are many things on my mind and in my life that are causing me to rethink a lot of what I thought I knew about family and friends. I need to review some things again.

I am also getting lazy around my physical health and diet. I eat a lot more rubbish and I've put on some weight (in the bad way). I used to be quite skinny but then I went to the gym and sorted that out. But lately I have had 0 motivation for exercise because I find it so boring. It's just really boring. I have no enjoyment in it anymore. I think I never really did, but I did it just to be healthy. Now I just don't care. I don't see any utility in doing it anymore.

I feel like giving up on dating. There are just too many fake people in the world and I am exhausted by it. I am also thinking that my lack of relationship in early 20s and late teens is a turn off for many girls my age. I'm trying to see the benefits in my situation but I don't believe there are any.

My sister's health is progressively getting worse. So is her social health. She is having fights with her friends. Mum babies her about a lot. It's not helping. Dad has given up I think. And he is also likely doing "things" behind my mum's back and she is turning a blind eye to it. I have no input on any of that so I simply have to sit by and watch it go down.

I hate my job but getting money is important. I had this conversation with my parents the other day. They seem to have the belief that I can get into something I want to do. I don't. I am trying to find the light and the way forward with that but I don't know how they can see it. I have a desire to go into journalism/writing. But that environment is so political and I don't think I'm able to "pick a side". My internship taught me how I can do it. But it's just such an effort. I don't know if I have the stamina to get there.

I think that's all I can think of for now. I am sitting here on my pc playing a videogame and waiting for food to arrive. I am worried I will just get worse if nothing is done. But that urgency seems small compared to anything else I can do.

In a nutshell - I am not well.

@outlander @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @TAB @greenpea @BlueBay @Meowmy @Everan @Teej @Appleblossom @eudemonism @frog @eth @Gazza75 @Everan @EOR @Angels333 @Doglover @Sophia1 @saturnzoon @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Aeiou @Molliex @Smc
@Ant7 @Adge @Sherry @Dec @Queenie @utopia @musicfanatic_x

@Scarecrowe

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In response to: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MDTSenior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 6:33 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

@outlander @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @TAB @Bunniekins @BlueBay @Meowmy @Appleblossom @frog @eth @Gazza75 @Angels333 @Sophia1 @Faith-and-Hope
@Ant7 @Adge @Former-Member @utopia @Scarecrowe @Former-Member @Dani1981 @Jacques

Hey.

Today I was required for overtime. Finished at 5:50.
On way home now.

Today at work I had a bit of an epiphany.

It's an odd time for it given what's going on around the world with covid.

I realised today that I am handling life and work balance well. I am glad. I've adapted to 4 new workplaces in the space of 6 months. That's taken a lot out of me. New colleagues. New travel arrangements. New rapport. New workstyles. One thing I also noticed was that I make first name basis with coffee shops pretty quick. Probably Because I drink decent amount of the stuff.

I have also counted that I've net over 40 new people on that time frame. But each interaction builds I guess.

It's tested my patience and my resolve. I think I have a stronger spine now. Today I basically had to keep asking a colleague to help. I apologised about it but they understood. It was a silly situation to be in Beyond control.

The whole dating thing still plagues my mind. I am young so I don't believe j can help it. All I can do is work with it and see what happens. I am on the negative side of that though. I do think it'll just get harder as I get closer to 30. I have really started to ask myself what i want. A relationship or something less meaningful? I need find the real answer be for so worry about it more. Only by knowing that answer can the issue be dealt with on the best way.

It seems like as the world has gotten chaotic there is a sense of control or at least a sense of achievement that has come about.

While I May not be where I want to be atm (wherever that is) I know for sure that its better than where I was before... say 18 months ago.

I saw one of my oldest friends the other day who I see rarely. He now hooks up a lot and does hard drugs. He is a party boy basically. It's so interesting to me because we started in life with very similar scenarios. And yet how differently things turn out.

Idk forumites. I feel exhausted.

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

BunniekinsSenior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 7:00 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

@MDT Hey Hams one thing I have found is that life tends to sort itself out (as long as you dont do anything too crazy lol). You are doing well my young friend wth all your achievements. Not only are you sensible and hard working but you are fun and nice to have around. Good to hear you being kind to yourself. peaxx

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MeowmySenior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 7:20 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

@MDT you have done great. Take it easy. Hope you get to relax over break.

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

JacquesSenior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

hi my friend @MDT that is great you are settling into your jobs so well and feel you are coping with it.

i met my first girlfriend at the age of 35 we are happily together to this day, i never thought it would happen for me too. i think the more you force it the more unlikely you are of meeting someone who is worthy of your love and affection.

you are an awesome person and i know in time you will meet someone, maybe on a train, online chat or games or whatever you like to do.

i know it is easier said than done but try to focus on having fun and meeting new people and you will find your right match mate.

im so glad you got out of the drug scene, it can really bring you down. im glad you are getting your life together and are finding direction.

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MDTSenior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 7:55 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

Yeah I only did weed once @Jacques

It's silly I think.

Thanks for your kind words.

And yours too super pea or PEAPEAPEAPEAPEA 😛
@Bunniekins and Meowmeow @Meowmy

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

Sophia1Senior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 10:39 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

all part of learning about life @MDT

sitting back and looking at how much you have actually achieved whilst you were being so hard on yourself puts everything into perspective and sets aside at times what really matters..

the dating thing...take your foot off of the accelerator..

ease back for a while..

priorities..

I have a son who is the same as you and he keeps telling me how rude and arrogant many young females are..

no offence ladies on here...

it is true we are in a world where self photographs...self images...self importance...I want,, I need I must have it now has taken over...

be careful what you wish for is what I tell him..

let it happen naturally..

you might sit back at a time in the future and think why did I waste all of that time and emotional energy on looking when I have and am where I want to be..

best of luck as always

I love reading the turn arounds in your moods.

you are an interesting person...

it is okay

relax I am far too old married not interested..not flirting..

familiar with the topic with son.

😉

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

Sophia1Senior Contributor25 Mar 2020, 10:41 pm AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

ps @MDT

my son has many female friends now as a result of his search..

he is particular

perhaps too fixated on miss perfect who knows...

tis life

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

ethSenior Contributor26 Mar 2020, 9:43 am AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

Best wishes to you @MDT I too am always impressed by the way you come out of down times and reflect so positively on where you have come from and where you are at now. And I agree with others here who have said don't push yourself too hard to find a relationship immediately. I've always found that I meet the better people when I'm not actively searching for them. I firmly believe in 'the one' and that we can find that person at any age. You have lots to focus on in the meanwhile. I also believe that we need to love ourselves first because then we have the most to offer another. Said she!!! Haven't shared my life since 2009 and that didn't end well. But I'm ok about being solitary for the time being. So much personal growth to work on before I would let someone else all the way in to my heart. And in these days I see it as a privelege to have the space in life to do that work. That's just my humble opinion. Take it or leave it! Keep up the good work on yourself and the wonderful realisations my friend.

In response to: Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MDTSenior Contributor26 Mar 2020, 9:56 am AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

@Sophia1 @eth

Thank you both for your kind words. You are wise and have learned a lot. Sharing what works is always great I think 🙂

In response to: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

MDTSenior Contributor27 Mar 2020, 11:19 am AEDT

Re: Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

@outlander @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @TAB @Bunniekins @BlueBay @Meowmy @Appleblossom @frog @eth @Gazza75 @Angels333 @Sophia1 @Faith-and-Hope
@Ant7 @Adge @Former-Member @utopia @Scarecrowe @Former-Member @Dani1981 @Jacques

Not feeling great today. Both mentally and physically.

Maybe it's all catching up with me?

I've been locked out of work emails which is a pain. I don't know what's happening anymore with work. But I will just have to go on Monday and see.
If need be I can contact one of my colleagues on facebook.

I'm finding it hard to be patient. I also have my cardio appointment next week on Tuesday so hopefully I can get to the bottom of why I feel light headed and why my blood pressure is unusually high.

I swear with all this covid19 stuff going on I have become more paranoid, cynical and upset.

Any advice?

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