finished my final placement which means I have technically finsihed uni and I feel nothing.

Congratulations @Doc_Gonzo. Even though you're not feeling it, it's a massive achievement. Particularly with the struggles you've had along the way.

Your post reminded me of finishing grade 12. Do you remember that? Even though it's forever ago for me it still feels very vivid. But what it really was at the time was a massive sense of ..... nothing! Talk about an anti-climax. Twelve years of education that I thought would end with a bang just petered out into a whimper. I don't think I even bothered with any 'happy ending' expectations in higher education after that.

Is there a plan to address the missing bits from your life? Or simply a plan for life after uni?

Okay, I think I have a better sense of your frustation with not being able to connect to what's happening @Doc_Gonzo. That void in your chest seems to be exerting some sort of gravitational pull on the good stuff.

Great plan to see what unfolds for a bit. You've clearly worked very hard across all aspects of your life - including your recovery. That certainly deserves to bear fruit. If the rewards haven't flowed from being so proactive it's good to shift gears and see what will happen with a more lassiz faire attitude.

I hope you find a way to keep hold of your recovery. Even though you're not feeling the joy, you have achieved some very real and meaningful things. That void can't last forever.

First congratulations on a HUGE achievement. Hopefully, at graduation you will get a sense of that, particularly with your loved ones rabbiting on and teasing you and the whole 9 yards. I know I had a massive anti climax when I finished nursing training, no one came for my graduation due to distance...mum and dad gave me a blanket box ( glory box in them days). I thought once I had hit that pinnacle of accomplishment I would be magically transformed....and wasn't.

Next thing will be getting a job, another ball game altogether.......don't expect a dream job, they don't exist. Take any job in your field to get a foot on the ladder, it is MUCH easier to get a job when you have a job. Stick the first job for at least 12 months for that all important basic experience. Good luck......

Hi @Doc_Gonzo,

The way I'm reading your recent posts, you sound like you have been a very goal oriented person. This has brought you wonderful rewards, whether you are currently connecting with them or not, but may not be the most effective means of finding friends and a partner. These, I think, tend to come when we don't expect them, not when we want them to arrive, and in flawed forms. Not necessarily as we want them to be, but simply as they are. As @Former-Member has suggested, perhaps taking a more 'laissez faire' attitude for a while may assist you switch modes and expectations in a way that brings some better reward on these basic human levels in a way that may be surprising to you.

I'd hope that this easier going approach wouldn't affect your recovery from drugs and alcohol though. Having stopped excessive drinking some years ago and just given up smoking green after 20 years (three months without it now), I don't recommend having to go through that long process again later in your life after already having won that battle in the past. That would really seem like trashing everything you have worked so hard to achieve. Wondering what support you have for this current downswing in the way of therapist, psychiatrist, etc. I imagine you have this kind of support in place. What do they have to say or suggest about your current state of mind?

Because of your high level of experience in the field of mental health, I find it a bit difficult to know how to effectively respond to you. It seems like anything I say may already be known to you. However, even if nothing any of us are saying here really hits the mark, I hope you can find some solace in the fact that people are reaching out to you, not as a high achiever, but on the ordinary messy level of caring for your wellbeing as a fellow traveller and potential friend, even if just an online friend.

Kind wishes to you and virtual hugs.

Hi @Doc_Gonzo,

I hear one thing that I think you are saying, perhaps not overtly. It seems like you haven't come across enough other people that really appreciate you for you and understand your values around not marrying and/or having children. There is immense social pressure, especially for women, and I just want to let you know that it's really cool that you are doing what's right for you despite the pressures out there. I want to let you know that there are others (including myself) that share your values.

I have been unable to feel at times that are major life moments, and I know how weird that is. I know that upon graduation I had a lot expectations that were not met about how my life would and would not be. That was years ago, and I still feel frustrated that my degree is not paying off the way that I expected it to and that my depression hasn't budged much since that time. Despite that, my education is the ONE THING that cannot be taken from me. I might lose my house, my friends and my mind, but I will still have that piece of paper saying that I accomplished what I did. It's a secret hidden source of confidence and assurance that proves that I can accomplish things in life.

I don't know if you relate to what I said at all, but I hope you begin to feel better and feel more peace.