The safety phenomenon.

I'm going to try my best to not make this too long and to have it make sense and convey the message I need it to, but that may be difficult, because in my experience this isn't an issue that many can grasp, even if they have trauma themselves.

It seems this phenonemon is the most common amongst survivors whose traumatic history comes from early childhood or at some stage in younger childhood where children are still very dependent on the adults in their life, and the examples they set.

It is pretty well established that early childhood trauma can lead to very significant and prolonged problems in a wide variety of areas. One of the areas that seems to be lacking is the understanding of how we gain our sense of safety and our capacity to be safe in that stage, via the example that is set by our parental figures.

More specifically, what happens when that is not provided. One of the most important stages of trauma therapy is the first stage of establishing safety and stabilisation.

As a complex trauma survivor, I struggle with this a lot and I have never been able to achieve these things, yet alone move on to the other stages of treatment.

This is largely because I was never provided with safety as a child to even know what safety is. By that, I don't mean logically or knowing the description of safety. I mean the actual sense of safety and being able to rely on it and conceptualise strategies for my safety as a result of it.

I mean that none of the descriptions are things I can relate to or understand on a personal level. In fact, most of them and the strategies used to enforce it have a role in my trauma, which further reinforces the massive question mark about what it is, and that it is only something others experience/doesn't exist for me.

When that is a part of our trauma, especially if we are also in minority status circumstances as an adult survivor, how do we develop this and the capacity to conceptualise what is necessary for us as an individual when it comes to our safety? How do we learn to appreciate and accept such things when they have never been in our life, and we have adapted (well, maladapted) to surviving without them to the point we don't even believe they are necessary?

What can we do when the examples have contributed to our trauma and therefore are no longer perceived or conceptualised as safe to us? As an adult, what capacity do we have to learn to understand, on a personal level, something we should have established long ago, to the point it should really be instinct by now?

How do adult survivors in this scenario address things like suicide prevention and risk management? How do we learn to care about our welfare and safety when no one has set that example? How do we develop resources in this context?

For me, as a trans person who has been profoundly abused and neglected because of transphobia, both as a child and adult, who has been a victim and witness of transphobic violence and discrimination, who deals with human rights problems every day and whose gender dysphoria and coping strategies for it in the absence of transition resources is compounded by my trauma history, where shit is very much a real risk to my wellbeing and safety, this is a very debilitating problem and has stopped me from being able to move on and have a life outside of trauma.

Professionals generally have not wanted anything to do with me because of it. It seems I have nowhere to go to for real crisis help and genuine suicide prevention. It also makes things like safety plans and duty of care difficult, like they are just forced upon me as opposed to something I agree with and choose.

Hopefully this makes sense, and thanks in advance for any contributions