I am going insane

I am new here and I dont know if this where I should be talking. I dont even know for sure if I am here doing this or is it my mind being taken over again.

I have headaches all the time and struggle to keep things in the reality world. I am losing control.

I am very sad most of the time and become emotional to the point of tears and cannot speak.

I have a special power, (gift) that allows me to travel to the moon if I want by leaving my head.

Problem is that I think someone climbed inside it when I was gone and wont leave me alone.

I hear him mocking me but cannot make out the words. Sometimes he stares at me with an evil grin from the sky but my wife cannot see him and just says its the clouds. I agree with her so she dose not worry. I know someone is going to harm me if I let my guard down. I have constant memory losses that can last for minutes/hours or a full day. When my memory comes back I am lost because I dont know where I am or what I have done. True I have been an alcoholic for the last few years but I have cut back to normal social drinking thanks to a councillor. I thought the alcohol was making me insane but I have been almost completely dry now for nearly 2 months. Things are getting worse by the day and I cannot go on much longer. I need it all to end by whatever means.

I constantly think of suicide but will not go through with it as I have people who need me.

I feel useless. My wife worries when I go out because she worries I will get lost again.

I hate my life. Has anyone ever been where I am?. Are you still there?. Can you help?

I hope I am really here sending this.

My head is hurting and feels like its about to exlode.