WestwoodNew Contributor
Caring for daughter with chronic insomnia - How help when don’t want change
I need to know what’s normal or not. Have 23yr old daughter with depression/ anxiety for 5yrs now. On medication, has self harmed in past but generally doing lot better now. Seen psychologist on & off over years.
Her sleep patterns are my main concern right now & the fact that she can’t manage to work.
She is generally awake until 2-3am, watches stuff, then sleeps till noon or 2-3 pm sometimes.
My main worry is that she accepts this as her normal and doesn’t see a need to change it and/or can’t change it. She does all the wrong things when it comes to good sleep hygiene & refuses to accept that changes like that would make any difference.
Most of her friends don’t see what we her parents see. She socialises well, studies online, leads in a youth group.
I wonder if she uses “depression” to stay in old bad habits because she does manage what’s really important to her, but general life skill things like doing her washing, helping around the house, exercising, shopping & cooking reasonable meals never happen regularly, only occasionally in spurts. She procrastinates about most things, especially going to see the doctor, even just to get repeat prescriptions.
She has no trouble getting part time jobs but usually quits within months, if that, because of anxiety.
I know she still suffers with low mood - she believes all the helpful things you’re told to do to help depression are not possible for her to do because she has depression. She knows all the stuff, but can’t or won’t do any of it to help herself.
As a parent, it wears me down, I never know how to bring up my concerns without her feeling I’m trying to control her.
I also have difficulty knowing who to talk to about this, because on the surface to others outside she seems ok & I’ve found little help for parents of adults suffering this way. When they’re under 18, parents are involved in the process, but over 18 they’re an adult & I’m not included in any professional help. So I only know what she tells me & I know when she’s seen psychologist in the past she tells them very little, my concerns are not hers. She’s even told me they’re useless because they just tell her she’s going well ( probably because she discloses very little). She expects them to know what her problems are.
Any thoughts? Pointers to any kind of help (professional or not) out there would be good.
I can imagine this is pretty emotionally fatiguing and no doubt some days you feel at a loss. Firstly, it is great to hear there has been improvement over the last five year, I think as carer's it is very easy to get compassion fatigue - but even incramental growth for her is profound, she is still relatively young so the fact that there has been some change even if it's minimal sounds super positive. A few of her carers have spoken about being excluded from professional help once their kids have exceeded the age of eighteen, this can be really challenging. The quitting jobs and procrastination is a common theme amongst our members who suffer anxiety, it's a long road and she's lucky to have such a supportive mum. What sort of supports do you have in place for yourself? Do you see a counsellor or attend a peer support group? I think this forum is a really great place to soundboard, so keep checking back in here for replies. In addition I would recommend checking out our 
