Flip of the BP switch

I just lost control. I had a treatment at the dentist's office, and my insurance didn't cover as much as I thought I would. I checked my coverage with my insurance company before I went. I thought I understand what my coverage was, and this is why I can't trust my brain. My mind totally failed me and tricked me. I spent 3 hours after my treatment debating with the dentist and insurance company about the gap they were trying to get me to pay. I tried to set up a payment plan. I sobbed. I totally embarasssed myself. Where did this reaction come from? Why can't I trust myself to just act normal?

My first reaction is to change dentists because that's what I do. I'm constantly "on the run" away from having to interact with people that have seen my crazy. I'm running out of places to run.

Hi @believeinme

I think your reaction is completely justified! I have had really complicated situations with private health cover before too - actually it was with the dentist as well.

I don't think private health companies do a sufficient job at explaining how it works. For me, I was confused because my cover said it would cover $500 of dental in 12 months. My bill was $200, so I thought I was covered. BUT I still had to pay a gap of $100.

I figured out after calling my health fund what they assumed I knew was they cap how much you can claim per visit (max of $100). It feels like it was almost false advertising!

It still confuses me when I explain it - and I get quite annoyed. Sometimes I feel like I was tricked, other times I feel silly for not realising. I'm not sure if this is the same situation you had, but it seems health cover is confusing for a lot of people.

So two things I want to share:

1) The dentist probably sees this ALL the time - so getting upset is no big deal to them (& they probably completely understand it!)

2) It's not uncommon for Private Health Funds to not explain everything clearly.

Please don't be so tough on yourself. I have since changed health funds, asked a million questions about my new coverage (some which sounded pretty silly, but I didn't care) and I feel more informed and better for it now.

How are you travelling now @believeinme

Being upset about having to pay more than you expected seems totally normal to me. Dont second guess yourself too much. Just face it down next time you need a dentist if you dont want to switch. They might even forget. Life is riding that rollercoaster up and down but not being thrown off the track.

Take care.

I'd like to thank everyone for replying. Your comments really do help, @utopia, @MoonGal, @NikNik and @Appleblossom. I mean that. They are all unique and get me thinking in different ways.

I went to the psychiatrist this week. He said now that my depression has eased that it's worthwhile discussing over the next month my purpose in life because he thinks that is a factor in my depression.

I regularly do a series of tests for him (like DASS and such) to keep track of my levels (of depression, stress, etc.), and my "what's the point?" attitude must have been visible in the tests and how I talk about life. I do have quite a high level of pessimism when I think about my life's purpose. I think that's why I'm mildly obsessed about work because it used to seem to provide purpose.

However, my lenghly unemployment and unhappiness in some jobs erodes that sense of purpose. Even though most of my career has been social-worky-helping work, it feels like such a superficial purpose to me now. Why is my care factor 0 now? I used to want to contribute to the "greater good," but I don't see the point at all now.

My doc said we'll talk about the internal and external things that give life meaning. I can think of some external sources of meaning, like my family. But other than that, google is where I go to tell me what the meaning of life is. Seriously, I've been asking google the purpose of life.

Why is answering this question important for me? I think my therapist is onto something because not having a purpose, soul or reason to live (that's what it feels like, at least) is one of the reasons I feel paralysed, trapped, insane, depressed and meritless. I'm lost. I'm easily cajoled into going different directions but have no direction of my own. I have no light.

hey @believeinme - I had a meltdown at the aged care facility frdiay week ago, where my Mum was for convelsecence care - crying, ranting because i got very upset that they had put her back on a medication that I had taen 6 weeks to withdraw her from for her own mental and emotional health. Truly - I had NO brakes on my response. I was already very stressed, and it caught me unawares so I lost it totally.

Don't be hard on yourself gal, you have just come out of a long depression, you are on new medication, you have tripped into wanting toget as much done as you can while you are feeling better - but underneath all that we also still have a pool of vulnerability that can be exposed by unexpected things - escpecially when we have made every effort to be fully informed like you did.

I am so glad to hear you are doing some solid work in regards your values, what motivates you etc (external/internal locus of control stuff) i got SO much from doing this work - i really really DO have a self, she was just hiding... ; Enjoy that experience, 'cos meeting yourself like that is a special time.

Thanks @MoonGal. I've lost my shitake while advocating on behalf of those I love, too. Good for you for standing up for anyone that is too vulnerable to stand up for themselves. I've learned over the years to be strategic, pick my battles and to fight to win the war, not just the battles. It's still hard to stay calm and all put together when there is incompetence/negligence/lack of care.

Trying to find out my purpose has given me plenty to think about, but I'm not making much earthshattering progress. All roads lead back to, "what's the point?" Is that depression? Is that pessimism? I really can't figure out what the point is to anything. at. all.

I had a conflict with my partner 2 days ago after what I thought was a great week. It's like these arguments are cyclical, and they generally start with something small (in this case a small chore not being completed) and turn into me feeling dark in my mood and wanting to die. It's like even though I try to remain mindful in the argument, my memory just stops collecting. I can't actually tell you what happened in the argument except that he was REALLY angry that I talk on this forum and to my doctor instead of just processing it on my own and getting on with it. I just know that I feel really down again. I tried writing to the forums a few times, and did, but I erased it before I pressed post. It was too vulnerable.

I don't know if feeling down is from feeling unstable in my relationship or because of BP. There's no doubt that argument triggered it. I was like the sign went from green to red. It's a letdown either way. I keep on getting a vision of myself in 5 years eating out of a bin and sleeping on the streets. Those arguments, the way I see myself, the lack of potential I have, homelessness - I don't think I'm catastrophising it. That's the reality for me if my relationship, unemployment and mental health situation keep down this track. It's scary as hell.

Hey @believeinme, Sorry you have been flattened and panfried. xx

In my experience with Psychiatrists (which is limited by decision) I see that the Medical model Psych-world is all about them. Not us.

However - to access the best medication we need advice - an psychiatrists are the ones who can give it in terms of diagnosis. Are the labels/diagnosis helpful? Maybe only to access relevant medication.

If I am struggling emotionally I see psychologists - usually people who work on narrative - on Cognitive Behavioral and Acceptance commitment therapy styles. I take what I want and leave the rest. I don't expect a psychiatrist to 'help' me really - rather prescibe and the psychologists to be the ones who help. i do 6 sessions then go away again for another year. Long therapy always leaves me sicker.

Anyways, as frustrating and damning as the letter he wrote is - it is probably the only way to get to the second opinion.

I would probably go and see what the second opinion was.