Oh no @Bunniekins I wasn't upset at all, except upset for you and your experiences! Online text doesn't portray any tone or inflection and if I came across that way it was at your father, no-one else.
A good friend of mine their father was an alcoholic and very violent to their mother. He drank very heavily and their Mum would come out black and blue. He never touched the kids but witnessing that and also living in that environment has done tremendous damage to the children (they're all adults now) and given each child a mental illness. Most mental illnesses are stress disorders and just because you don't end up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, doesn't mean that stress didn't trigger it. Their mother still completely idolises him and to this day puts him on a pedestal. Personality's like that, find it quite easy to get a spouse who reveres them - odd I know, my own mother was exactly the same.
My father wasn't an alcoholic. He smoked since he was 14 and drank at the very end of his life for a few months, but he didn't need alcohol to be abusive.
I think what would also possibly influence how you approach this really hard topic is if he is still alive and if you still have to see him, do you still see your Dad?
I can understand wanting to find a husband who is the antithesis to your father, my friend has and they have a great marriage and wonderful kids. And none of us are perfect @Bunniekins
I have accepted that some things will remain as they are for the rest of my life, including some emotions and I don't need to fix them. When you think about it, it was a bloody long time we lived in that house. If someone was sent to war for 20-30 years they would come home pretty damaged.
That environment would have primed your nervous system, making it very susceptible to stress over load. I am sorry you had to experience that. I think I read once that your Mum has been really supportive, which is lovely, that would make a huge difference. But it still doesn't make up for all the loss and disappointment you experienced with your father. My sibs and I are relieved he is no longer alive. I know that would really shock some people and think me cold and callous but seriously, its the only chance we had of ever getting any peace or semblance of safety. My friend I've talked about, their father is still hanging on would you believe it. Drank like a fish and in his 80s. She's not going to his funeral, and just wants him to pass......you have to live a childhood like that to understand how these emotions could come about.
You have so much on your plate with your own health and your kids too. Do you receive the NDIS or Community Mental Health support that comes to the house?
Corny 
