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Need some advice

PenContributor27 Sept 2014, 10:21 am AEST

Need some advice

Hi All,

Good to find this space with people who understand! My husband has major depression. He has tried various medication combinations over many years as well as inpatient treatment programs. He is currently an inpatient undergoing a course of ECT. I guess there are two issues I wanted to discuss.

The first is my feelings of disempowerment when he is in having treatment. I never feel as if I'm a part of the information or decisions that are made. I find the system seemingly inconsiderate of family members who are, after all, the ones who provide the key support & pick up the pieces when the person is at home. I understand about my husbands right a s the patient to make decisions that affect him, but sometimes feel he is not really in a good position to make the best decisions.

Second thing: my husband has issues with addiction - mainly purchasing items, particularly online or running up big phone bills from purchasing game updates or extra data. We have had many discussions about this and each time I feel as if we have put things in place to manage it and limit his access, things settle for a while and then it occurs again. I am finding this very stressful as he is not working & it puts a big drain n our finances. When we discuss it, he talks about being a failure and letting me down and now I would be better off without him etc etc. I have assured him I love him & want to be with him but I am at a loss as to how to help him but also help myself as this is not a sustainable situation.

I wonder if anyone has suggestions for where I might go for assistance or what kind of assistance might be helpful for us both?
Look forward to your ideas!

18 replies

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In response to: Need some advice

PenContributor02 Oct 2014, 10:57 pm AEST

Re: Need some advice

Hi Sandy, yes I think those concerns are very valid. We now have personal experience with 4 private clinics and none of these has provided the sort of holistic program or support for eith my husband as a patient or myself as family/caregiver. Particularly as you mentioned in relation to a discharge plan & follow up. I was speaking to nursing staff the other day and they seemed quite surprised by my questions in relation to such services, where as I was surprised that they didn't have any.

Also with the ECT - I have found it difficult to access any information about treatment plan (I did have an initial phone conversation with the admitting psych prior to commencement) or about changes to treatment which have occurred or about possible future treatment. Very frustrating - and concerning!

In response to: Need some advice

PenContributor02 Oct 2014, 11:00 pm AEST

Re: Need some advice

Think you may well be spot on! Shame because of course Carers play a key role!!

In response to: Need some advice

PenContributor02 Oct 2014, 11:02 pm AEST

Re: Need some advice

Hi Hobbit, thanks for the welcome! Yes it's been great to have some good information and support from pepole on here and I have already contacted two organizations for some assistance. Much appreciated!

Pen

In response to: Need some advice

zipperSenior Contributor05 Oct 2014, 8:15 pm AEDT

Re: Need some advice

Hi Pen

Another contact that may help you is Partners in Recovery. Their aim is to help the recovery process. They will co-ordinate all the resources that your husband may need to stay well. They can co-ordinate financial advice, addiction resources, etc. It means that you arent looking all over the place for help. They have been an lifesaver for me as my husband has also had major depression and his main trouble is having nothing to do. They have managed to keep him occupied 5 days a week as he is not able to work as he used to

We have done both private and public systems and found them both wanting. I have made myself known to every nurse and have made myself out to be the 'bit-- from hell' but it worked for my husbands sake. I made sure the doctor knew he was to ring me and not leave it up to my husband. I would ring the doctor and leave messages on his phone, just, please ring me back regarding ect, please ring me back regarding discharge.

One thing I would suggest, is a notebook by your husbands bedside with messages from you to the doctor, and from the doctor to you. Also your husband could write things in as he remembers. Just simple. That way not so much would get lost and when you visit you can see what has gone on while you were away. Just a thought

take care and please know that you are not alone

In response to: Need some advice

AlfNew Contributor05 Oct 2014, 8:31 pm AEDT

Re: Need some advice

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. My daughter has complex mental health needs and has just been transferred into the adult system. Yes my daughter is now an adult but what they don't realise is im her carer also. In the role I play as carer sometimes I am her case manager. She needs me to help get her word across because I know her well. I get treated as though I am an overprotective mother. But I am her advocate. I wrote to our local member of parliament about my issues. She has passed on my letter to mary wooldridge. Mary has responded to me in the past so I hope she responds to me again. If we dont tell the polititions things wont change.

In response to: Re: Need some advice

PenContributor05 Oct 2014, 9:59 pm AEDT

Re: Need some advice

Thank you ZZ! You made some great suggestions which I feel I could easily act on! Funnily enough, when this hospital stay began, I was determined to be proactive and assertive, but as the stress levels rise and unexpected things occur, my resolves have crumbled. I liked your suggestions as they are practical and do-able. Thanks four your support & time. Definitely feeling th support of others who have walked this road. Thank you!

In response to: Re: Need some advice

PenContributor12 Oct 2014, 6:32 am AEDT

Re: Need some advice

Thanks zipper for some really practical advice! It certainly is good to there are others out there who understand! I'm certainly going to use some of your strategies. Thanks Pen

In response to: Re: Need some advice

HobbitSenior Contributor14 Oct 2014, 9:31 pm AEDT

Re: Need some advice

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this thread, the wealth of knowledge and experience all you guys have and the great advice you offer shows how caring you all are....and really warms my heart!!

Hobbit.

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