work stress

I haven't been on these forums in a long time. About 18 months ago I got a new and really intense job - long hours, very stressful - and that absorbed me. I was diagnosed with DID a while ago but I figured it was a mistake because all my symptoms disappeared. I had been drinking heavily for about 4 years before I got the job but it got really out of control in that job. I decided to go to rehab for alcohol addiction in December.

About a week and a half after I detoxed, my PTSD and dissociation went nuts, like really bad. I thought that I was over all that but it turns out that it was just covered by the alcohol. So now I'm trying to work out what to do. Looking at the options of going back to rehab for an extended time versus dealing with all this out here is complicated enough but I've also found that I'm unable to do my job anymore. The thought of it makes me panic. I'm on sick leave currently but have to log onto my computer and do a few things and when I do, or even when I think about doing it, my anxiety goes through the roof. It's like suddenly I can't handle any stress at all. I really can't see how I can go back to the job.

I spent years on Centrelink as a single parent and thought I'd put that behind me. I really don't want to go back to that but everyone is recommending an extended period in rehab, followed by extended periods of therapy etc. etc. Half of me thinks now is the time to face what I've been avoiding for decades and I need to do it. The other half thinks that I can switch to another job, or even just knuckle down to the same job, and all of this will go back in its box and be fine. The indecision is driving me nuts but there's anxiety whichever way I go.

I guess I just wanted to put this out there. Thanks for the space. Comments are welcome but I know I just have to make a decision.