The smoke

People keep saying we're fortunate, and it's not that bad, I'm in Melbourne and we are not near the fires. But, now the smoke has coated our city and my suburb back home, also. My workplace is full of smoke (open plan office) my home is smokey. My airconditioner doesn't have a recirculate function, it just pulls air from outside and spits it back out, (same at work) so my husband keeps turning ours on, "the air has to get in here somehow," is his commentary.

Masks and air purifiers are out of stock. I've not worn one, even in the hazardous rated air, which made me almost pass out during the four minute walk to my bus. Legitimately, I was scared. The ventilation on the trains is non existent, and it's worse in there. I have to stand and wait for public transport for on average 80 minutes a day. Sometimes more.

I have no choice but to walk and work through the smoke. My chest is burning, I feel dizzy most of the time. I commute two hours a day, I am stuck in it. But, If I stay at home, I'm sitting in the stagnant, same quality air anyway. It won't be as painful but it's not practical either.

I can't imagine living near the fires, I am hundreds of kilometers away, and it's near unbearable here.

So, I'm getting anxious, have I damaged my lungs? Will I get sick? Am I already sick? Is my dog okay? He seemed drowsy this morning, and wouldn't eat. I arrived to work late after ensuring he was okay. My husband rides his bike to work still, everyone on the street seems relaxed and fine. People walk their dogs, and push prams with babies, commute to work. Everyone else here happily works in the office despite the obvious haze in the indoor air.

Are people just calm as a default? I don't know what to do anymore.

To add to it, I'm late. If I'm pregant, I'll have a mental breakdown, after spending days breathing in poison. I tell myself it's just the stress. I'm sure not possible, but I still have the thought.

Bah!