It took me over 2 years to get back to work @Sam4me I contracted Influenza A and B at the same time so for the first few weeks after I got out of hospital I was bed ridden - literally dragged myself to feed my fur babies and to the bathroom but ate very little and did nothing else but sleep. That then lead to my MH going down hill extremely quickly where I was very quickly suicidal. I also had post viral fatigue so over time my physical condition deteriorated to a point where moving further than a few metres at a time was impossible. I was very sick for a long time and once the MI set in again I found it hard to sleep or function at all. I was lucky to have a wonderful team around me (GP, pdoc and psych) who I saw or checked in with every day - they kept me alive at the time ...as did people on here ...but that was touch and go for a long time. Anxiety, depression and CPTSD were through the roof and although none of that was work related the amount of time and effort I had previously put into work certainly contributed to all that. I did not recognise that I was burning out with all that I put in at work but looking back that is exctly what was happening - contracting Influenza was the breaking point for me. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted if that hadnt been the case but I suspect it would not have been long.
I literally lost a year in the state I was in and it wasn't until the second year that I began to make a little progress. That was a slow process too - lots of different med changes and therapy as well as amazing support from people here. Just after 2 years after I got sick I went back to work for a few hours over several days. It was not at all handled well though and made me feel like I didn't want to do the job anymore. Then at the beginning of last year I was placed in a really lovely and supportive work environment and that made the world of difference. I was not undertaing the same role as my previous workplace but placed in a support role. That allowed me to ease back into the job without the extra pressures of planning, reports or organising a class - I did that for the first two terms. The major positive was that once I left work my time was my own and I was not working 3-4 hours a night at home on top of the normal work day. I then taught a class for term 3 and that is when my passion for the job came back. So in reality it took 3 years to be able to get back to a level I was before I got sick and to find both that passion and drive to teach again. I was also only working 4 days a week but towards the end of last year that increased to full time again. This year I am back on a class (at a new school) and working full time again, I honestl do not know how I am going to cope being back full time but I also know I want to be back on class and hoping that will inspire and motivate me to cope.
I did not think I would ever get back to this stage ...and it has taken a hell of a lot of work ...and part of that was allowing the time to get to a point where I (and my treating team) thought I was ready again to move back into work gradually. For me meds were the turning point - we tried numerous different ones and combinations over that time - and some actually sent me further backwards - but once we found the right ones other things began slowly to fall into place. I did a DBT course and had weekly pdoc sessions afterwards - and although I would not say that changed my life dramatically it certainly did help.
Therapy became more about checking in rather than working through the diffiucult things and accepting that the past can never be changed so I need to work on strategies to deal with it. I still have nightmares occasionally and triggers that are difficult to deal with but the after effects do not last as long so that is huge progress.
None of that probably helps you much but I thought worth telling you as if I can get through everything I went through then there certainly is hope for others. I believe the first part of that is accepting that something is not right and finding/receiving support to help you work through it all yourself. For me it was both therapy and meds but that is different for everyone. That overwhelming feeling with anxiety is so hard to deal - especially when it comes about in situations we were once completely okay with. Your descriptions of when it has happened for you at work does make me think that burnout is a major factor but the stressors of having a new baby and moving house cannot be ignored either. Maybe also your priorities in life have changed also - babies will certainly do that - and what you once concentrted on with all the time you put into your job now needs to be spread into your personal life. Often when we need to refocus our energies into other areas we realise how much of our time was spent on our job and also that we need to have more of a balance with the new priorites. That in itself can cause anxiety as we have a deep seated fear that what we can now put into our job will not be enough - there is a sense of failure in that often also - but it is not a failure to have a work-ife balance - it is essential with your new circumstances at home. So I suppose I am saying that the anxiety you have been feeling at work may actually be your priorities shifting focus and as a result subconsiously there is a fear that you ill no longer be able to do the job you once did because of that shifting focus ...and that is okay but recognising that and accepting that can often allow us to reduce some of that anxiety. It may be a different, less demanding job you need but it may also be working out to continue with the present once with less expectations on yourself. If that does not fit with your present role or organisational make up then maybe looking for something else is prefferable. As hard as it is may be a conversation with whoever you report to and a redefining of your responsibilites to allow you that little extra breathing space for a while could also be a good option. I certainly do not know your workplace and how supportive they are but it is something other than moving jobs to consider - both are options and both worth having the discussions about.
