Bpd daughter had to finally draw the line

Hi

This is my first post I’ve come to read the posts of other Carers of those suffering with bpd to find comfort and maybe to live with the decision I’ve been trying to get the guts to make for a second time. I read another post about a lady with a 13 yo boy who was continuously abusing her. She too had had a hard upbringing but didn’t use it herself as an excuse to treat others unfairly. That is what my 19 yo daughter constantly does whenever she does not get her way. She brings up my actual past or her own childhood and turns it into something so ugly only cherry picking the very worst of it. Then she threatens to take her own life and tells me I don’t love her and not to attend the funeral and the texts just keep rolling in for hours on end until I’m curled up in bed balling my eyes out begging for it to stop. The amt of chances I have given are numerous but then she doesn’t go to appointments, or refuses to take medication but will self medicate, has stolen from my famuily and pretty much cost me every close relationship I’ve had in the last ten years. She has been in the ed for suicide attempts at least 30 times in last six months. But you always take each one seriously don’t you? Now I have drawn the line she is very very angry. My partners father died yesterday and she’s angry that I’m giving him attention. She has lived with us but refused to even offer condolences. I reached my limit there the lack of compassion and the jealousy. He has been nothing but kind to her when her own father has not been there.

But because I was an orphan with my own abandonment issues I seem to not be able to get past this crushing guilt. I’m not stupid I’m highly educated in mental health especially personality disorders but when your a mum and you have already lost your sister to it (I had to terminate that relationship) you lose perspective.

Im just feeling alone and lost and so so guilty. She has no money but is staying at a friends. Does the guilt ever leave? Idk I think I’d just like to hear from other mums or people who have had to endure the ongoing abuse but still love them anyway because they recognise the illness vs the person but have the draw the line somewhere? Thx for reading.