Withdrawal Symptoms

@arwenreborn I'm so sorry hear about what you're going through.

In times like this, all we can control is ourselves and our actions. There was a great Topic Tuesday some time ago about loved ones who won't seek help. I recommend having a read of it. At the very least you will see you're not the only one going through this. You can find it here

It might be worth giving 1800 RESPECT a call to get some advice. You may also find it helpful to call the Carers organisation in your state (just google Carers *insert your state*) and/or ARAFMI (google ARAFMI and your state) . Both organisations are wonderful at providing resources and support.

I hope you continue to use the Forums - as there's always someone here to listen.

Please take care of yourself.

Thankyou so much for sharing your story @@arwenreborn.

I’m Snoopy, a moderator here. It sounds like you have a lot going on at home. Withdrawal effects of anti-depressants can make us feel physically unwell, and consequently frustrated for feeling that way, but being emotionally abusive is not a recognized side effect. People choose to be emotionally abusive, and you are better than being a ‘punching bag’ as you described.

Violence and aggression are much more likely to be a result of drug or alcohol use. It’s unfortunate your husband doesn’t recognize his drinking is a problem, and that he is trying to justify his abuse by blaming external factors. I was so encouraged to read you went for counselling. Just because he won’t go doesn’t mean you can’t. You don’t have to live in a world where you are fearful.

Hi @arwenreborn,

How are things?

You sound like a very caring and patient person, despite what you say about feeling like you're not being as compassionate.

I'm with @snoopy, being emotional abusive is not a symptom of anything but more a choice. Yes, people can feel unwell, and frustrated, but it is never ok to use this as a justification to treat someone poorly. From what you've written, it seems that your partner is not really aknowleding the impact of his behaviour - he's placing it on the withdrawing.

It's ok for you to take a stand around how you want to be treated. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their actions.

Good morning, I am hearing you loud and clear, one of the other contributors mentioned abuse is not a side effect from anti dpressant, and they are right, it is a choice.

I think it is very humane of you to provide the support to you husband that he feels he needs.

It is very important you remind yourself, you are a worthy human being, whom is worthy of receiving fair and respectful treatment.

It sounds like your husbands rules and values around this beahaviour are very different to yours. This is always going to be something to consider, in all relationships we come from different family/ life cultures, having vast experiences and learning scenario's form birth.

It is also important to address the impact on your children of your husbands behaviour toward you,

Before I implemented some boundries to our relationship, I had some wise old gal ask me "would you allow your neghbour or your best friend to speak to or treat you the way your husband is treating you?".

One last thing to consider, all that your children see, not necessarily hear, will have a bearing on their relationships with others. How much are you willing to let them think is ok?

Small decisions can make big changes, stand tall, your children are not always going to be small, they too will grow and share in the community what they are exposed to.

Stay in touch

I have been separated from my husband for 12 months. I believe that he suffers from an undiagnosed mental health issue which frequently translated into severe emotional/psychological/verbal abuse. Living with him was a nightmare. I tolerated alot and attempted to get him to see the error of his ways with a hope that this would act as a catalyst for him to seek treatment, but I was wrong. It wasn't until some very clear paranoid and persecutionary delusional elements began entering into the equation that I realised that his abuse was being generated from his psychosis, however, this did not make it more acceptable or tolerable. At one stage he believed that he was at the epicentre of a conspiracy to destroy him and that I was the orchestrator of this who was determined to destroy him and potentially murder him. Regardless of his mental health condition (which he vehemently denied, and still does) I realised that his behaviour towards me and our children was abusive, disrespectful and completely unacceptable. Once I came to accept that he was not going to take responsibility for his abuse or mental health I decided that the safest and best option for me and my children was to leave.

When you are in an abusive relationship, regardless of its origins, everyday life becomes a nightmare. The effects of long-term exposure to such abuse for all concerned are enormous. I would highly recommend speaking with a counsellor at 1800Respect (1800 737 732), the National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service. They helped me tremendously in the years leading up to my decision to separate.

I lived with abuse (DV) for years and myself and chldren have been profoundly affected by it. I cannot emphasise strongly enough that removing yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself and your children. This is not about him, his depression, his drinking, his meds or anything ... this is about you and your children. Abuse is unacceptable no matter what the cause.

Please take care

Janna ❤️

Hello @arwenreborn,

how are you today ?? have been thinking of you today xx

@arwenreborn, how is he when he is on the anti depressants ?

as my hubby was put on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds after being in hospital , six months later the doctors said to start going off them

well, it started getting worse again day by day and I said you will have to go back to the doctor or go back on the meds -- my hubby said, oh can you see the difference -- YES and I don`t want to go through that again

so he went back on the meds again, he still has ups and down days, bad and ok days

Hello @Former-Member, @Janna, @MIFANTCARER, @BeHappy

Good morning, I hope life is looking better for you this week.

There is a terrific course called Well Ways. We are running ours March 2018. It's is on education of Mental Illnesses and coping strategies for support persons. I found the tools were really helpful and still come into play when my husband experiences a fall back with his health, has had a larger than ususal life event or just gone away fishing without his meds.

The other tool available in the community is an online clinic. It's the Mind Spot Clinic, a few of our registered caers have been through their program with great reports on their own life improvments.

I hope you see the good in you today.