Women’s Health

I have managed (for a better word) to put off having a Smear Test for over 5 years now - very stupid of me I know.

I had convinced myself that with the death of my father, my marriage breakdown, all the trouble going on with my sons partner through the pregnancy and since the baby was born, becoming a full time carer for my mum - and anything else I could think of, I thought I was just too busy.

All that is rubbish of course, my problem is me. After my history with CSA I don’t like to be touched by anybody, especially where my private parts are concerned. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed - I’m genuinely scared. I don’t actually have a GP, and after the fiasco with my mums broken hip I don’t actually trust the Dr’s from my home town.

Now that I’m staying in a city while mum is in hospital I plucked up the courage to make an appointment at a clinic to get one done. I have the appointment, but it will be with a male Dr. I feel absolutely sick about it. I need to get it done because I have been feeling bloated, tired and do sometimes get pain, this has been going on for about a year now - but I also think it’s my stupid brain diagnosing the worst.

How do other women like me get through this, what do you tell yourselves? I’m switching between “just suck it up and get it done” and “cancel the appointment, it’s all too hard”. My heart is beating a million times a minute just thinking about it.

On the topic of women’s health, I’m only 48, so I’m not sure that I can get a mammogram like 50yo’s are encouraged to do. Do I need a Drs referral or can I just front up to an X-ray department? I do self check and I have noticed a change in the last month or so.

Its so hard coming from a small town and not actually having a GP, or at least a trusted GP, let alone going into these exams with my history. A bit of advice or a little encouragement would be much appreciated.