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I feel worthless at all times.

AndromedaSun11Casual Contributor06 Dec 2019, 4:33 am AEDT

I feel worthless at all times.

I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm chronically aware that I have nothing going for me and no future. I'm 21 years old and don't have a driver's liscense, I've never had a job, and hardly have any friends. I'm too scared to express myself or be myself at all. All this because I have severe anxiety and social anxiety. I have no social skills. I just don't understand social situations. I can't get through a job interview without having an anxiety attack and making a fool of myself, tripping over my words. But my biggest issue is actually my height. I'm 4 foot 9" and at 21, not going to grow any taller. Being this short while having an awkward personality makes my life a living hell. Everyone assumes I'm a child until told otherwise, and most of the time I just go along with letting them think I'm 13 because the real truth is too humiliating to acknowledge;

I'm a failure of an adult.

And here's the real kicker: I'm a gay woman, so I don't have the traditional husband and kids route that most women have to fall back on, and with me being the failed, disgusting human that I am, other lesbians aren't exactly lining up to date me. There's a high probability that I'll be single for the rest of my life.

I'm lonely, depressed, frustrated and stuck, wishing I had some way to go back in time and become a different person. I don't want to be stuck being me, it's an exhausting and unenjoyable experience.

TL;DR: My life is a f@@king joke and I want it to end.

5 replies

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In response to: I feel worthless at all times.

Gazza75Senior Contributor06 Dec 2019, 10:30 am AEDT

Re: I feel worthless at all times.

Hi @AndromedaSun11 ,

Thanks for your post. I hope you feel a little bit better in getting it out. I think I can relate to some of what you are going through although I am considerably older. I struggle with making friends and social situations.

You are still young so its possible that you can get a license, a job and make new friends. Don't give up on it.

Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do for fun and relaxation?

Have you considered trying to get into a volunteer role before? You might be able to do a few hours every week and get some experience and social interaction that way. Do you have anysupport in place? A psychologist you talk to? You shoulid be able to access services through a GP if you ask to go onto a mental health care plan. It might vary and be different depending on where you live..

Please don't think I am telling you what to do and how to do it, I'm just trying to give you some thngs to think about and maybe consider. I know it can be very diffucult to find employment and more so if you struggle with social things and job interviews.

I hope you can find some friends and connections here.

Take care 🙂

In response to: I feel worthless at all times.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor07 Dec 2019, 3:56 am AEDT

Re: I feel worthless at all times.

@AndromedaSun11 Hey AndromedaSun11 and welcome to the forum :). You now what when I was younger in my teens and twenties I would have loved to be shorter . I am 5 foot 10 1/2. All the guys liked petite girls .... now I am too old to care I am 55. You will get to that stage too of not caring re appearance. Appearance is not important it is what is inside a person that counts. I know it sounds cliche but it is true.

Have you thought about doing some study? either at Tafe or uni? There are lots of courses available and it would be a great chance to meet a variety of different people.

ps dont worry about not driving. My daughter is 24. She is transgender. Has no friends except online. Has no intention to learn how to drive and is on the autism spectrum. She is slowly getting her life together and so can you just be kind to yourself. Love peaxxx

In response to: I feel worthless at all times.

frogSenior Contributor07 Dec 2019, 9:05 am AEDT

Re: I feel worthless at all times.

Hey @AndromedaSun11 I'm sorry things are so hard for you.

I have had some of the struggles that you do, though I'd never assume that I know what you're going through. I'm older, and my fortunes and feelings about myself have ebbed and flowed my whole life, with some very dark times.

The forum has helped me build a bit of confidence in connecting with people and slowly it has transferred into the outside world. Are there things that bring you joy, however small? I like trees and have a tiny garden. I'm also over the top into football (soccer) - it's a big distraction from my struggles. Also, there's my old dog, who teaches me patience. I look for small wins. I cannot lie; sometimes there aren't any. But I try to stay open. I'm glad you found the forum and I hope it is as good for you as it is for me. Take care.

In response to: Re: I feel worthless at all times.

frogSenior Contributor07 Dec 2019, 9:06 am AEDT

Re: I feel worthless at all times.

PS @AndromedaSun11 there are some younger people here who have supported and helped me a lot @outlander @MDT

In response to: I feel worthless at all times.

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Dec 2019, 5:24 pm AEDT

Re: I feel worthless at all times.

hi @AndromedaSun11 and welcome

i am in my early 20s too and most of what youve described how i feel too. its a really hard place to be.

Have you considered speaking with your gp about seeing a psychologist? headspace helps young people and for free with a refferral. they often have social groups including some for lbgti specific people too.

i dont think your a failure as an adult, just someone who is trying their best to navigate an unforgiving world.

@Queenie @Corny perhaps you could also share some advice here too.

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