Stressed out about something

@Owlunar @Appleblossom thank you again for your replies.

the wolrd i am talking about is not exaclty like a fantasy world that inspires writing and creative ventures. it is a world as real as this one and is in some ways the same world only also not. they are tied and the things in them i experience as real because they are. it is not like something in my imagination as much as it may seem that way from the outside. it is something that is happening and is real and is not made up. it is very hard for me to describe because honestly a lot of it doesnt have words to express these things because others dont seem to be aware of them. it is like walking around and seeing a few extra colours or maybe you can see all the colours but everyone else sees only half and you are interacting with people who cant see colour X and you are trying to describe it but they dont understand and you can see it because it is right there and it is a real as the blue they see but eventually you give up trying to explain colour X because you know no one will ever be able to see it as well. colour X becomes something in your world and not theirs only really it is in both...

you cant talk about colour X because people get bored or frustrated and say you are making it up or you are crazy and they try and make you stop seeing colour X only that doesnt work either because colour X IS there and it is not in your head they just dont see it. so you stop considering X to be something in that reality because they cant see it and what is the point of talking to people who refuse to believe you and then eventually you just say it is part of your world when actually it is in theirs too but not because they cant see it.

idk if that makes any sense but that is the best way i can think to describe it.

Hi again @Eden1919

You make a lot of sense - some people lack imagination and others just haven't been in such a space that the world does look different from them - I have actually and some of it is easy to explain

When I was a child I had an undiagnosed problem with my vision - my mother would get really irritated because she would be pointing at something and saying "Look at that. That white thing. That white thing over there! Look where I am pointing!!

Wow - I would get upset and couldn't see it - and my parents got very frustrated because I would squint and turn my head to focus - maybe I would see it - maybe I wouldn't. Eventually I stopped using the blackboard at school and the teachers must have written to my parents because I was taken to an optometrist and had to start wearing glasses - and then I could see what people wanted me to. I battled through years of that. Yes.

The other side - my mother, my grandmother and I am a bit psychic - we all knew what the others were thinking a lot of the time. We could sometimes know what was going to happen before it did. Trying to explain this to other people is difficult but as it was a family thing I never worried that other people didn't understand this. I learned to keep it to myself but I am telling you here because it might help

So - when I did try and explain this to someone I said

"Supposing we lived in a world where most people couldn't see. And a few of us could. How could we explain that to other people? We couldn't. It would be frustrating. We could feel judged by the comments people made about that." I have a strong feeling this is where you are trying to get with your experience. You have an extra sense - a sixth sense or a second sight - whatever you like to call it

How wonderful - because I do I really get if this is what you are experiencing. And yes - it is in literature. The Invisible Man by H G Wells is one book - pretty old now - tells of how hard it was to be invisible in England in winter when he couldn't wear clothes unless he wrapped his face in bandages - and then a more modern book is The Time Traveller's Wife. I'll have to look up the author - how difficult and how intriguing to have this unexpected changing of reality when the time traveller had no control over it

Thinking back on what I have read you have written you do experience feelings of motion, hear noises - maybe see colour X - which I really believe btw. Not many people do - but there are people who have extra gifts not given to everyone.

If you have fallen among people - maybe because of your MI - who have refused - totally refused - to try and understand this - how bloody tough that has to be. But they have either limited experience or are tied by their professional lives.

Let me know how you are going - you have other voices - I have not experienced this but I do listed to what people say - really look into what people write

You are isolated and alone - I respect your views and opinions - keep trying with your writing here because I am beginning to see and I am a person who started life unable to see well

I do now - I have strong glasses - I am very long-sighted - The world looks very blurry and different to me without them

All the best Eden

Dec

@Owlunar i understand the psychic thing that is something that happens to me only in a different way. it is hard because some of the things i experience are very scary and hard to deal with others are the opposite but all of it is impossible to explain to others. I know there are others out there like me because i can feel it but for some reason i am sure there is a reason we dont meet up still it can feel very isolating. I find it very hard to keep on track because there is always so much going on with me but it is even harder to do that when you are worried about having to hide things. i get scared that i will have to choose one type of reality over the other and i am not sure how i could or would do that. at least hopefully that is something for later.

Hi again @Eden1919

I have been thinking about your post - you are struggling - I can tell that - and I remember - I think it was you - that you have other voices that can be really bossy at times

My idea is that it would be hard to keep them sometimes - I think you waited a long time to see a therapist and your voices gave you are hard time about that

Is this the world you are thinking of? One would imagine a therapist would be understanding your situation with this but as you say - they might be trying to fix you and we know - at least I think - we have to fix ourselves and we need someone to talk to sometimes

And our reality is after all - our reality - and if that is reality wants to keep secret - I get it - that is tough - what do you tell people? what can you tell people?

I guess you can tell us but when you are ready - people have different kinds of reality - that's true

All the best

Dec

@Owlunar yes it is kind of that 'world' I agree the psychs cant 'fix' me at least not the way they think they can. I just do need a person I can talk to who wont get angry, upset, judgemental, scared or stop talking to me. there is not a lot i can tell anyone. it just scares me so much that i will end up forced back into the public mental health system because other people cant cope with me. whenever i have been there it has always been about others being comfortable around me and never about me being ok or well or managing. no one put my needs first ever and that was the least of the things that upset me. I lost a part of myself there in that place and it will never come back but again no one cares. my new psychologist keeps saying ''why do you keep talking about the past and how you hated the hospital'' but it isnt intentional it is just everything circles around what happend there and i cant say things becuse of what happened.

I cant say them on here either sadly not even because of the guidlines but i dont want to make others uncomfortable. i just need to keep trying to stay quiet the only times i have felt safe around professionals is when i didnt tell them about this particular stuff. i guess it has to stay that way. but i get scared one of them will see through me one day even though there has only been about 3 that ever even got close the other didnt even believe me when i told them because i hide things so well (year of practise i guess) but it is a constant fear that i cant shake.

I get it @Eden1919

That experience in a public MH hospital was really bad and you need someone to listen and say "I hear you - that was really bad" - I had a rough time in one too so I do understand - it's not easy.

And more than anything I get it that people say - "Stop crying (or whatever) you're upsetting other people" - I remember looking around and no one was taking any notice - and yes - we feel as if it's all about the other people and we are not counted - check - I hear you

So it seems as if the issue is that you are afraid this could happen again - and so you keep your inner life secret and that is a battle for you - it really occupies your time and it's really hard to find someone that will just listen. You can't shake your concerns and even here you can't share because of the guidelines

I have battles with that myself - I have been flagged now and again - t's to keep people safe and I get that but I would listen to you myself - your concerns are real to you -

But something I can tell you is about a famous and still popular philosopher - Rene Descartes - wrote about dreams and being awake - how could he tell? And the really short, short version is that it came back to thought - I think therefore I am - our thoughts are reality - they are our reality - and I know that there are times when people's thoughts become intrusive and make life difficult

So it is real - it might be a strange environment to the professional workers who deal with this day in and day out - bound by their professional perameters - but to you it's vital - it's your life

Keep sharing that you can if it helps

Dec

@Owlunar sorry you had a bad experience in public services but i cannot say it surprises me. descartes was an interesting guy and while his contributions where valublae to the mind and body problem his idea of thinking therfore being does not escape the problem of simulation or thought being the product of others and that is why it has not brung me as much comfort as perhaps it should. he left many questions unanswered as well which is difficult but that is life i suppose. but it is true the professionals see this as just work and this is my life they really dont have the high stakes that i do in all of this. i wish i could still trust people but i am not sure i ever completely will.

Wow @Eden1919

You've read Descartes Mediations - and probably a lot more - that's excellent - that's real self care

There will always be questions - the metaphysical is mysterious - I love it myself - maybe you will or even do right now - but you have had unpleasant experiences and yes - the workers in the MH profession don't know - I think many are in it for the right reason but there is probably a bottom line about what they can admit to - I hope in the future you can find someone you can trust - it might take a long time - who knows - maybe you can find your own way out - I don't think you give up easily

It's just quick posts this morning - my domestic helper will be here soon and then I have a lot of other things to attend to today - but I hope your weekend is as peaceful as it can be

All the best

Dec

@Owlunar haha I havent read the whole thing. i hope you get all the things you need to do done. metaphysics is very interesting but always leaves me with even more questions which is fine i suppose sometimes it is better to have more questions than none at all. i do think this will be something i have to find my own way out of/around. i am not sure there is any other way at this point in time but that is ok. it is frustrating at times though.

Hi @Eden1919

It's always good to have questions - it's better to ask questions - even of oneself - rather than remain ignorant

As frustrating as it can be it is the way around or out of your present difficulties and asking questions and seeking the answers - maybe in books in your own time is the way into the sunshine world of being able to trust again

I wish you the best with that

And alas - I didn't get it all done yesterday - most of it which is great but I didn't get the frames of my glasses adjusted again - nexxt week will do - I am wearing my old glasses atm and they are okay.

Follow the sun today - we have some in Melbourne this weekend -

Dec