Finding a balance

@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 how are you going?:) I miss my 'magical' world which the meds have taken from me. It has basically gone now except occasionally I can feel it bubbling up inside me like after reading your post I could sense it there wanting to remind me that it is still around :). I find without the meds my 'magical' world just wells up and takes me and then lets me go again without any warning. My inhibitions are just gone. Like I have said on previous posts it is like the tide it washes in and then out again. Some of the waves are big whilst others are small. I have absolutely no warning at all and cannot stop them either.

I have no answers I am afraid except try and enjoy the ride where possible. Love always peaxxx

@Bunniekins hello I am going i suppose . It does sometimes come in waves for me as well. I am sorry you can't get to your magical world anymore especially if it was a good place for you. I wish people would just let you live in both. I find it hard though because I feel pulled in all different directions and I guess there are certian things I cant ignore. i feel like no i have been going deeper into one and while it isnt bad exactly i worry that the shared world wont like it and so now i feel like i am having to hide things again and that is not fun. still there isnt much else I can do I just have to try my best to keep everyone happy.

@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 'keeping everyone happy' isn't that the truth. I find keeping everyone happy is fine but it doesnt necessarily keep the pea happy. Always good talking with you I really admire the way you deal with things it takes alot of inner strength doing what you do :).

@Bunniekins Thank you. You are stronger than you think you are too. It really is keeping others happy at your expense. Although strangely enough the others that the psychs don’t want me talking too are actually much easier to please than the psychs and I am much more relaxed/happy with them than having to deal with the mental health system. But no just because it isn’t real to the psychs they think it is ok to make you miserable even if they weren’t the ones bothering you to begin with. Either way though my feelings and wants are always last to be factored into things if at all.

Hey there @Eden1919 and @Bunniekins I really struggle between the two worlds you describe Eden. In the world where people without mental health issues, I find I have to wear a mask of normalilty as people will not understand the real me. I play pretend, largely out of fear of rejection. I work with young children at present and their parents/caregivers and I'm afraid of being labelled negatively if they all knew. It is incredibly tiring and each day it leaves me feeling mentally and physically exhausted. It is very hard being tied to a mental health world and then pretending everything is "normal" (whatever normal is!)... it is like being trapped in limbo isn't it?

@Queenie yes limbo is a good word. It would make life mush easy if there wasnt so much stigma and people didnt reject you for being different. I find it hard pretending because i dont like to lie to people i care about and i feel uncomfortable feeling like i am constantly hiding something even if it is better no one else knows about it. it is a shame too because there are some really cool things each of the worlds could share with each other but i guess there must be a reason they arent meant to cross over. sometimes i find it hard to relate to other my age as well because people just want to talk about their love lives and everyday stuff and i just want to scream at them '' but what about all the super intense magical amazing indescribable things right over there doesnt that take your attention away'' but then i have to remember that they will just think i am crazy and i need to keep this to myself. it is hard to have casual conversation when you have such intense stuff going on around you.

I am having a hard time today I feel very torn in all different directions and everything is about to change again, it may not be a bad change actually it should be good but everytime i have a big change it makes me feel shaky. i know things are always changing but i often feel like each time i leave a place a part of me stays there and i cant put that piece back until i go back there and everywhere i go there are pieces here and there and it hurts having them all scattered but they cant be together either. i feel very off and like i am spinning and cant get back to where ever i was before. i feel so weird it hurts but it doesnt feel wrong and i dont know what to do. maybe i am tired i am not sure I know I have to deal with it i know this is just how i am but it is still hard sometimes.