Remember the song, "You gotta be cruel to be kind, but in the right measure?"... the more I think about this type of behavior (not taking responsibility for one's own life), the more it makes sense.
You see, while we support these behaviors by pandering to the person's wants & needs... the more damage we do to them, as we are allowing it to continue. Sometimes walking away can help the person more, sometimes not. BUT... that is not YOUR responsibility. That is theirs. You are responsible for your own life and happiness, and if you are sacrificing your own desires because of another person who simply refuses to take responsibility... then I would move him out quick smart and make it known that it is his primary responsibility to care for himself. Sometimes letting go is the more caring option for both parties. Your primary job is to care for your self FIRSTLY. If you do not put your own needs in front of someone else's, then you are not valuing your self or own needs.
Guilt robs a person from living their own path, and at the end of the day, when you're laying on your death bed looking back on your life, you don't want to have regrets over the desires you never fulfilled, but so very much dreamed about experiencing, because you gave your life to another, who simply sucked you in to being a victim of their manipulation and self-centreredness.
There comes a point where you must draw the line - and put your own needs first. This is not a selfcentred act, it is a selfish one - one of self love.
Everyone is where they are at in life, because of the choices they've made. It's not up to someone else to be their martyr. It's up to them to take responsibility and take action to change their situation, themselves.
How can a person grow and evolve if everything is done for them and they are wrapped in cotten wool? They can't. They remain at the same level of lower intelligence throughout their lives.
Sorry if I'm ranting. This is the first time I've visited this site and posted. I'm having a hell of a time with my 13 year old son who is defiant, disrespectful, manipulative, and possibly has dark entities around him that influence his irrational violent outbursts that have become more frequent over time. He also has a loving and funny side to him. So I'm really confused. I'm starting to think differently about all of this now though. I'm sick to death of finding excuses for his disgusting behaviour... because I've been through many traumas in my life, yet I have always had the decency to treat others with respect, and I don't see how his traumas should make it ok for him NOT to. He gets totally out of control, screaming, throwing small items or punching doors, etc...and it's a mirror image of behaviours I've seen in older men. Yes there may be a nutritional deficiency, unresolved trauma, etc, etc.... but as an adult behaving in such ways... NO ONE ELSE is responsible for their life, but themselves. They are making the choice to not seek help. They are making the conscious choice to play the victim role and hand their power over to others to care for them, while they just suck the lifeforce out of their carers with their constant negativity, neediness and co-dependancy issues, never getting off the perpetual wheel of darkness. Never changing for the better. They just become a long-term burden on everyone around them, when if only they did take responsibility for their situation... they would see their entire life turn around, and for the better, in many ways. I'm not going to allow my son to take away my lifeforce. It was given to me. It is not is to have or own. He will learn that the hard way if need be. I am drained, miserable and depressed, because I know another tantrum will come in due time... but I will NOT put up with this for much longer as he has totally taken away all of my happiness. I can't even sincerely smile about anything anymore. I am angry at myself for not making him responsible in the beginning by taking accountability for his actions. But I am certainly going to make sure he does from now on. Because I am on the edge... like never before.
