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Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

superNew Contributor02 Nov 2019, 7:27 pm AEDT

Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

Hi, this is all new to us as a family.

A week ago things all went pear shaped for us. My wife (30) of 5 years (1 x 3 year old child) has recently been working through some stress/trauma related experiences with a psychologist however a week ago something changed and she started acting irrationally and claiming she didn't have any problems, that others including me did. This was the biggest concern as previously she was discussing everything with me that she was feeling.

A number of things happened with her and it was her actions with the kids that made me and her family want to seek immediate medical attention. Eventually we were able to convince her to attend the hospital with me and her Mum, she was only doing this to prove she was fine. It was clear she wasn't and they admitted her. In the week following the doctors have identified psychosis and are wanting to treat her for that initially. She has been really making life for them difficult but has started to take medication, 2 days so far.

Through this whole time my wife has been so accusatory of me in our relationship and with me and our kids. I have been nothing but a loving and faithfull husband and a devoted father, our family means everything to me. I am able to ignore what she has been saying to me because I know it is not her, it does get to me from time to time but I am reassured by many that she isn't really saying these things. She is so upset that I have "locked her in hospital" and has these other huge trust issues. I understand that there is no point having "future" conversations with her until she is more rational, but it is just so damn difficult as she is telling me my actions have ruined us.

Do I just need to basically ignore her for the next week or so until things become clearer? I am so worried that she will not ever forgive me for taking her to hospital and putting her through this.

Thanks for listening, sorry this is probably jumbled.

2 replies

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In response to: Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Nov 2019, 7:15 am AEDT

Re: Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

@super Hi super and welcome to the forum. I have been in both positions of being carer and being the patient so I think I have a pretty good view of both positions. Being in hospital is awful (for me anyway). I didnt thank anyone for putting me there for a month. It was just ..... plain terrible. dont expect your wife to thank you as I am sure if you put yourself in her position you can understand why she is feeling the way she is.

It is necessary however to gain control over her psychosis. A necessary evil so to speak. You are doing the right thing and in time she will hopefully understand. Keep talking with her and dont give up on her (my husband had an affair on me when I was psychotic and we divorced during the time I was sick .... (he now regrets his actions during that time).

It will possibly be a long process of recovery. Be paitient and above all look after your own health. You cannot look after your wife if you are neglecting yourself. Take care. peax

In response to: Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

DeterminedSenior Contributor03 Nov 2019, 1:07 pm AEDT

Re: Wife is upset I took her to hospital and she was admitted.

Hi @super and welcome,

Sorry to hear things are rough for you and your family at the moment.

I have been in your position on more than one occasion and it was hard every time 😢 in one year there were 6 admissions totalling over 4 months.

We were fortunate to be able to access a private unit but there was a lot of travel involved.

It will be different for everyone but I visited my wife every day, while she resented me leaving her there it was important for me to show I cared in that way and I was not 'just trying to get rid of her' as she and the children all accused me of. And in many ways she relied on my visits even though she has never acknowledged that . I was under a lot of preassure to 'just leaver her there to get better' but could never do that.

For our situation my darling was scared and feeling alone (my assessment) so my constant reassurance was part of the healing.

Understanding that this will be different for everyone, I believe keeping communication open is important if your wife will talk to you,

Constant reassurance that she is there because you care and want to see her well. For me there was also a lot of guilt for having her admitted despite it being essential for her safety .

The best advice I can offer is to get some professional support for yourself. Other than practical support from family (we had 3 young children including a baby) and support here on the forum I stubbonly refused professional help and grudging accepted practice help and it came at a cost.

And take time out for yourself it at all possible. My only time out was the 2 hour round trip drive to visit.

Hope this helps, happy to answer any questions where I can.

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