Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Hey @Faith-and-Hope as I am passing through the forums tonight, just shouting out to you and hoping that you are OK.

Never any pressure to reply, acknowledge or respond to posts, I know how hard it is just to get through our days sometimes; myself included, sometimes I can be here; and sometimes I can't.

I look out my window or read stuff online and see healthy people exercising or engaging in some activity that enhances their lives or builds them up somehow, but for us, the same activity just keeps our heads above water......I hope that all the technical financials with your ex husband are moving along, even if it is at a jagged pace. .....I suppose what worries me is not his NPD diagnosis as such, but the dynamic of abusive relationships.........not everyone that is abusive is the same. But a lot are. They seem to fixate on one person and throw all of their violence, hate and aggression at a single target....I guess they have to save public face and delude themselves that they are a good person....

I hope that you are able to take long walks outside and that the cubs are in as good a health as they could be expected to be, given the cirumstances,

best,

Corn dog

I somehow missed the notification of your previous tag @Corny ....

Ex-husband hasn't turned up to be diagnosed .... at least not with any truth by which he could be found out ..... as is usual for NPD (it would seem) it is by his primary target turning up for counselling, and the informal diagnosis taking place on the basis of the clear-as-day pattern he is following. It's practically predictable ..... but some of his personal life choices are not. At all. For instance it appears to defy all logic that he would go away at this point in our precedings.

I have heard "time will tell" uttered by others who have had personal exoerience with this, like they can't hold the deceptions in place indefinitely, and his patterns will show him up.

Think that's what we are starting to see.

I really hope so @Faith-and-Hope that you get some resolution this year or next year.....my father's explosive anger is what blew his cover, there were many cringe worthy moments in my childhood when it was displayed in public and people got a little glimpse of what we dealt with at home, not that anyone ran to our rescue, people flee, which I don't begrudge them their own biology......as I have said to you many times I don't use the phrase NPD out in real life, only with my sibs......people don't take us seriously, but it has certainly done tremendous damage to all 3 of us....I told my psychiatrist the damage of the abusive NPD'ed people has driven me to want to be alone forever. He was upset, but I can't trust myself not to attract a user and a taker who has a public face and an a-hole core....its wired into me. I equate being used/useful with being loved and wanted. The only person that wins is the user. I guess I am an easy target. All the best, and hope you can get some walks in this week, I rely on puppy fantasies to get me through....

@Faith-and-Hope 💓🌸😊

Big puppy hugs for you @Corny 🤗💞

Emelia

Thanks @Corny .....

I am wired to care and support people, and to create, which includes systems and structures and problem-solving. I took all his chaos and created systems and structures within and around it. Have passed the baton on that one to my "successor", and good luck to her, but from what she did with D2 she ain't no Empath ..... so good luck to him with that too.

I am applying my nurturing, systems, problem-solving, structures, to the recovery processes for me and the dragon-cubs, which for them means supporting the re-building of their life-skills and independence.

I don't trust myself not to attract a new two-faced a/hole-cored individual, but I have learned that NOD's scramble an Empath's radar ..... so I am hoping I recognise that "scrambled" feeling in the future and that helps me identify others of his type early on. They also do not like boundaries..... so I feel the need to shield-up in a way I never have before. Some take that as a challenge, which may also be a blip on the radar ..... because Empaths might want to put you at your ease, but they also respect boundaries and don't try to batter or dismantle them.

The year or so ahead appears to be full of legals at any rate, and that must surely be an interest-k!££€¥ (read: no supply available, all resources in use already) - something I am grateful for as a natural shield in and of itself. At the moment I can't imagine a time I will be interested in someone new. I feel done for a lifetime.

Hugs @Corny ❣️

@Corny @Emelia8 .... anyone else around 💕

Aren't puppies just the greatest @Emelia8 , big puppy hugs to you too. My sib got a little pupper last year and he gets me in these head locks that are just inescapable and he licks me for about 5 minutes straight. I hope to get one one day.

Goodness me you are in your own personal nightmare right now @Faith-and-Hope . I feel for you, I really do, especially because I know that it will be very dragged out.

"I feel done for a lifetime" .......I totally can relate to that.

Do not give that women a 2nd chance with D2. Her behaviour has demonstrated all that you need to know. If she isn't an empath, she's self-centred like he is. It is often either a NPD-Empath dynamic or 2 people on the same spectrum, because they both sympathise with each others behaviour, and that becomes the glue of their relationship. Love doesn't really matter, being together makes them feel less self-conscious of being an a-hole. It's not so much their particular partner that they want to live with, they want to live with someone that makes it easier living with themselves, and who they really are. A like individual on the same spectrum fulfills that. You are nothing like this and that is one of the reasons why you had to leave and end the relationship and the speed with which you did. There was no hesitation and no going back, which indicates to me a strong sense of self, and strong sense of right from wrong. Plenty of people love drama. They get off on it. I swear to god if you threw them inside an MRI machine the pleasure parts of their heads would light up, they can't live without it, and find people that don't love drama a total bore. My besties used to be friends with a toxic couple like this. Because they work shift work I don't often get to see them so was always stocked to catch up with them when they were awake during normal hours. I would absolutely dread going to see them if this couple was going to be there. It wasn't a case of he was violent to her and she was the victim, they were both as bad as each other! And they loved it, they got off on it. It was such an eye opener for me. I would be shaky and panicky & say to my friends, oh my god, oh my god he is a psycho, and they would tell me, oh no don't be fooled it is actually mutual. I didn't believe them at first until one NYE party and then I was like, OK, this isn't your usual DV situation they are both violent. They are no longer friends with them thank god. I guess what I am saying is it so easily could have swung the other way and this scenario has revealed a lot about you. Your kids will really admire you for that and consider you the powerhouse of the family once they get some distance on this. A child's loyalty to a parent never ceases to shock and even disturb me, but even that has its limits. You're a great Mum and they are so lucky to have one sane parent.

The "scrambled" feeling you refer to that empaths experience when knocking up against someone with abusive NPD, I refer to as the washing machine spin cycle......I can pick it 100,000,0000,0000,0000 miles away. I don't even have to have ever met them, their energy is distinct. You do have a lot going in your favour. Having had a secure childhood attachment would really put you in good standing of not being sucked into their vortex. I have a very anxious attachment style from the early life neglect and I get sucked in by my caring and affectionate nature.

I really hope that you have sound legal advice....its so awful when you don't know where to start. But yeah, I don't have any expectation the legals will be finalised this year, I am hopeful that it will next year sometime.

Keep your kittens and cubs close,

Corny

Thanks so much @Corny . I am learning mire from you. I have seen the sort of couple's dynamic you are talking about, and presumed that each of them fell for the Empath they mistook the other one for, in their "mirror, mirror" guise ..... which might actually be true ..... but then what was confusing was how they could possibly stay together. I guess it's just a different type of supply, and they many even "hunt together" so to speak, feeding off the glee that comes from victimising others as a team.

in any case, in my case, he left and ended it ..... but I slammed the door behind him and called in lawyers once he had delivered his discard speil, and it was clear that the abuse I / we had been suffering for years was not only deliberate, but had been designed to try to force me to leave, so he would look like the abandoned one ..... particularly if I had had to leave any of the dragon-cubs behind because they were unwilling to leave or I couldn't escape with them. That wasn't going to happen !!

The fact that he left, with multiple new supply, means that he is busy with his own new schtick to the side of what he is still doing in our legal mess ..... and feels like he triumphed at some level, although that might change depending on the outcomes of our court battles. That fantasy state of mind has evidenced itself already, even with him thinking / believing that I wouldn't counter the permanent entrapment he thought he had achieved over me, and all

my future plans. It's gob-smacking to see what he thought he would be getting away with, as more and more his deceptions are surfacing.

I am concerned about the effects on the Cubs, but going and praying they all come good with time, support and love ...... and a gradual shift in their perspective about who their father actually is. Then will come the questions about whether they have inherited his illness. They have professional supports, so that will be their growth / healing path to follow.

I like to think they have learned a lot of good things from him. I know I have ..... much of it is dependent on the values with which it is applied.

💞🦋 @Zoe7 ......

Hi @Emelia8 .🌷💕