Hi @Teej 👋💕
Things are a pretty big mess for me at the moment, and in lockdown, but beyond calling in the cavalry there isn't much I can do from here but take the baby steps through all the legal processes while soon2bX gets told what he can and can't do, while he makes a bl%dy big mess of things all over me and our kids, who are spinning between being Switzerland and asserting their own control issues (some of them) ...... (might edit that part).
Meantime I am getting in with my studies. I have days when I cry a lot. My artwork is speaking a lot of things for me, although without an understanding of my personal situation it's not likely anyone can read what alll the fragmentation and fractured works are all about ...... but it's also about finding the path to healing and recovery ...... lots of recycling and repurposing in it too.
s2bX moved back into the same condensed living space as me, with his new partner and her two kids shortly after leaving ..... where they parade themselves as a perfect couple in front of my community - going to what were our favourite family places and basically trying to just supplant and overwrite me ..... I don't give much of a fig ..... it's a disgusting thing to do and they have no integrity, respect, dignity or shame ..... so what can you do with that ?
Short answer - nothing. I have seen her once and she is what is known as a "downgrade". Not being bit-chie here ..... I say that because she is everything he professed not to like in a woman. Confusing much ? Not really. My counsellor has put her finger on NPD as the probable u derlyibg issue, and the complete switch to something opposite ticks that box, absolutely, which is all part of the behind-the-looking-glass confusion. It's the land of backwards and upside down, but I had a few years' run up to this, so after the initial shock of the discard and the dropped mask happened, and bei given insight into what exactly NPD is, the pieces have fallen rather neatly into place, with few surprises now. I just need to think of the worst thing he could do next, and there he is, like it's on cue !!
Interestingly, it also has all the components of the things I thought it might be, all the things I was trying to guess at along with way, so there is comfort in knowing that I was reading that right too ..... and that the pattern will continue once the love-bombing and overwriting with "new supply" either lose their novelty or effectiveness, or both.
So I am learning all about what to do as a narc-survivor and have to just hope that the kids and I can regroup properly on the other side of this tsunami.
I am still working out what to keep hold of, and what to let go of (who to keep hold of and who to let go of too). For the most part it will be picking up the pieces in the aftermath rather than anything more I can do than sit it out, and repeating the truth on constant replay in this storm of lies. It's the paperwork that will reveal the true landscape, and as I have always said, once it is exposed you can't cover it back up.
D2 is with me in quarantine, so visitations and what-have-you are frozen for the moment too, which is a relief. I don't have to see him, and I have only seen her once, out in the street, when they walked past a cafe I was in.
I get tired of caring, and that is where my studies both engage me, and numb me out of everything else.
