Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Another symbolic move @Faith-and-Hope to assert some autonomy and demarcate what you are, and are not responsible for, but also making it known that your private stuff is no one's business and you deserve respect. It will be a strange feeling and you will cycle through lots of emotions hourly.

I think once the initial shock that someone is gone begins to lift, it starts to seep in and you are left with the raw emotions, whatever they may be. We've had a death in the family. He had 4 legs and a wet nose and my sib and I had to have him euthanized yesterday. We were such great pals, he lived with me for ages when I was caring for my mother after my father died & I was isolated from my own life and very lonely being a carer. He'd sit in the front seat and I would take him to the beach which was such a treat for a pup from the inner suburbs. It was the most humane thing, he had cancer and was so unwell, but its hard to let go and I miss his presence.

I am sure you will have moments when you miss your husband @Faith-and-Hope but I guess it depends how the next months pan out how long that lasts and if it is replaced with other emotions.

But to be a person with options, is to be a lucky person. Not everyone has options and a lot of people are trapped.

I guess you're feeling a little stunned at the feeling of semi-freedom that these options have afforded you, but it will get easier. Probably worse before it gets better realistically, but once the formalities are over the grieving can begin and change will be a relief. Right now change feels impossible, but it does turn into relief that everything will change, because how it was was unbearable.

Is he communicating with you respectfully or through the cubs?

Corny

Communicating is not reallly happening, even through the cubs, but they are doing their own communicating, as they are with me, and finding a voice about what they want and don’t want in the process ..... but it’s still early days, and as you say, likely to get worse before it gets better.

That's really hard @Faith-and-Hope but not surprising. Maybe there's a silver lining, no communication means that he isn't trying to control you and isn't giving threats, which can happen even though he was the one to instigate the split. You've worried that he has some narcissistic traits, and maybe it manifests as uber competitive, and entitled but not too domineering, because that can get really ugly. My father, even during the lame attempts he made to leave & pretend he was strong, still had to have control over everyone in the family. He lost the plot once we grew up, left home and started thinking for ourselves, he behaved as if a wife had walked out on him when we came of age to be independent. We all bolted for the door at 18 as you can imagine in an environment like that.......its all still very very fresh @Faith-and-Hope . But living apart during this time is a good thing.

Corny

Oh, I hear you with all that too @Corny.

I had the riot act read to me about how we were to proceed from here .... nuff to say I am not sticking to the script.

Whatever else happens, the binding spell has been broken, and it’s not possible to reinstate it. We are on different tracks from where we were only a few weeks ago.

I have heard that the changes can happen fast, and they have. Just have to try to keep the cubs as safe as I can, but they gotta swim too.

As Omar Little would say, "most def, most def" @Faith-and-Hope the binding spell has been broken.

But if you already know in your heart of hearts it can't be repaired and he's tried to have the upper hand by being aggressive and read you the riot act, it sounds like his spell of control is broken too and he will have to deal with the fact he can't push his weight around anymore.

But people like that always manage to find someone else. They're resourceful, mental illness or no mental illness, they make sure they get what they want, even if they play the helpless, needy, damsel in distress card for some years, they bounce back. Their survival depends on being attached to someone they can put down and belittle.

Corny

Just catching up @Faith-and-Hope .

so much happening so quickly. You’ve been in my thoughts. I hope youll have breathing time for you soon from uni. You are doing an amazing job navigating it all with so much happening in every aspect of your life.

Sending love and many hugs 💜🤗

@ Faith-and-Hope

😏 @Teej .... means the world ❣️

Travelling along with you these last three years is helping me step up to my own boat capsizing .... and looking forward to re-setting my sails, knowing it won’t be soon.

@Faith-and-Hope thinking of you and family.

@Faith-and-Hope 🌷💜🌷

Love it @Former-Member ❣️