Feeling disconnected and struggling to get

Hey world,

I'm new to SANE forums and I discovered the link attached to a Borderline Personality Disorder information page. I haven't officially been diagnosed but I saw a psychiatrist and he said I might have it (just didn't feel comfortable diagnosing after only one consultation).

I want to talk about feelings of isolation. I have had many short-lived, shallow relationships (friendships included). Recently, I have felt abandoned by my friendship group that I had at a youth group (through rover scouts). The moment I started to struggle with my thoughts and insecurities, they stopped including me as much and disregarded my feelings. Some male individuals even took advantage of my need for deeper connection only to drop me later on. So, at this point, I have currently no friends and therefore no one to rely on. I can open up to my brother, but I whenever I try to open up to friends, they show no willingness to support even though all I want is a hug.

I also struggle to get to sleep. Almost every night I cry and grab at the mattress to try and relieve stress in my fit of distress. Does anyone else suffer from not being able to relax before bed? I am looking for support and advice not only on how to sleep, but also how people cope with BPD.

I feel broken inside and like nobody understands what I'm going through.