Checking In: Let us know how you're doing

great idea @CherryBomb

Hello @Former-Member

Hello @Shaz51, Thanks for remembering me.

Hi @CherryBomb, Does seem to be a good idea although I am not very good at remembering names. Never have been. Fortunately I am now getting old enough that it somehow seems more acceptable.

I try to keep an eye on the forum but have been very busy with life. Feeling pretty good in myself. Trying to practice self care. Family members seem to be doing okay and gaining more insight.

Hope you are both doing well.

cheers.

Hi @Former-Member

I think of you often as you were there when I first joined the forum

Life is very busy for us too, at the moment my hubby has the flu and I think I am getting it now

Take care, keep in touch

Hello @GivingMick @Itwillbeok @mountain @Daisy @Harry @BananaHammock @Annabelle @BeHappy @coffeegirl @artee

Thanks for asking @CherryBomb. Not much has changed, but it will shortly. I lurk here occassionally, but I won't post much personal stuff anymore after what I felt were agressive responses from a couple of members here at the end of the year when I was not coping emotionally and mentioned I can not continue to deal with my husbands abusive behaviour and would put him into care. My plans are not changing. He continues to be too abusive for me to handle for any longer than is necessary for me to get myself somewhere to live and an income to live on without his disability pension or my current carers pension.

I've recently learned that any form of abuse directed at me, whether written or in person sends me into a spate of PTSD flashbacks and high distress that may last for days. I had never directly connected the flashbacks and unrelated agression before. And I've learned that such a high level of stress directly affects the severiity of the arthritis I suffer. I have not done anything wrong in discovering I do not have the emotional resources or ability to handle hubby's never ending mood swings, abusive outbursts, lack of self awareness, selfishness and obsession to control every single thing I do.

Hi @artee

Just wanted to let you know I can totally relate ....

We went through a really tough period last year with emotional abuse in our household. My husband has an undiagnosed eating disorder, and until we experienced it for ourselves, the kids and I were unaware of how much a sufferer can spin out emotionally and attack those around them while they are struggling with major control issues, and trying to make sense of their dysfunctional inner world.

He has settled down a lot since. We only have the occasional flare-up, but this has come at a compromise. In a way we are enabling him, in that we have stopped protesting his controlling regimen and just accommodate it as best we can for the moment - putting up some boundaries to keep him aware that we won't let him just walk all over us. It is serving to validate his behaviour, to him, but we can't be responsible for that. While we haven't reached a point where he can be diagnosed and treated, we have to be able to survive this ourselves.

Last year I was faced with the heart-breaking choice about whether to leave him, fully aware that it would collapse some of our adult children's lives in the short term as a consequence, or whether to persevere under the same roof and try to cage the collateral damage. While we have chosen as a family to persevere, I could just as easily have made the decision the other way if I thought that was the best way forward. Would never judge anyone else for doing so. We can only do what we can do, and there is no sense all of us losing our health over the one person, no matter how hard that may be to face up to.

Sometimes in facing the consequences of their behaviour is the best way to have someone start their own process of recovery, and that can mean that others have to put the situation down and walk away to bring that message home. It's a really tough call to make, and so personal ❣

Best wishes for your onward journey. Sending you hope for the courage and strength you need.

🌷❤️🌷

@Faith-and-Hope Thankyou for responding. When I was posting before, I was grieving for my best friend who lost her fight with lupus and scleraderma. I was also trying to understand how I felt about my birth father passing away, even though I had never met him. I suffer PTSD from childhood abuse, I was sexually abused by my first husband and I just can't keep doing this. Knowing that I will have a home soon (we've been itinerant for 2.5 years now) and I can reclaim 'me' is what keeps me from losing it. I might have already left if I had anywhere to go.

Protecting that sense of self is so important @artee. I hope you keep posting here, at least from time to time. It would be lovely to follow along with your journey, and hopefully support you a bit in your progress.

Incidentally, I am stunned at how many coincidences I am encountering on the forums here ....... my Mum passed away from scleroderma 15 years ago in August. I know it is a rare condition, and it was very confusing trying to work out what was going wrong with her health at the time. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your best friend in this way. My mother was like a best friend to me, and the pain is still there from her loss, but quite dull now with the passage of time.

You have an awful lot to process there. I hope you are being gentle with yourself, and seeking out warmth from other friendships and kind people in your wider environment. Time is a healer. So is nature, and music, and art. Not all thoughts and language are in the form of words ....

Sending gentle hugs your way ....... 💐

@Former-Member nice to hear from you! Glad to hear that things are trucking along. It seems like things are relatively smooth sailing?

@Shaz51 always lovely to hear from you. Hope hubby is ok with his the flu. There's a few nasty bugs going around this year.

@artee so nice to hear from you too. It sounds like you've had some revelations in linking your distress to PTSD flashbacks, and arthritis, and you're putting in boundaries to stay well. This is so important - knowing what you can/can't realistically do. You can only do what you can, and if you don't have the emotional or physically resources to handle hubby's mood swings, then its crucial that you care for you. It's hard to decision to make, and I'm sorry that others have given you a hard time about this.

I'm saddened to hear about your experiences on here. I know of a few instances on here when people can find other people challenging, offensive, unsupportive and so on, which can just additional stress. If you find this happens again, please don't hesitate to contact the team here at SANE Forums. While we can't control how people behave or feel towards others, we can work with you and others on here to find ways to make your time on here comfortable and safe. Thanks for taking the time to update us despite your previous experiences.

@Faith-and-Hope as usual, you're a ray of faith and hope on here. Your posts are nuturing and insightful.

Thanks @CherryBomb

❤️

Good ode morning everyone 😊

Thank you @CherryBomb, it turned it is not the flu -- My hubby is in hospital

Hello @Faith-and-Hope