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I created drama, called the police

2qwertySenior Contributor20 Oct 2019, 11:40 am AEDT

I created drama, called the police

I did something and I have no idea if it was right or wrong. Many things actually.

A friend of mine has been feeling low lately, I didn't think TOO much of it, but i've been trying to talk her through it and it's been really hard to find the right words. A few things she said friday night were worrying. I just felt helpless. I didn't know what to say. In the end I suggested we game together online, just do something else for awhile, so we did that. I sent her a couple messages the next morning, she responded a couple of times. Nothing too intense. I sent some cute videos.

Couple of hours later, the friend sent a message to another mututal friend, I don't know for sure what it said, but it was a "thank you for being my friend," type of message that set off alarm bells for the person as a potential goodbye message. They live quite far away, so I was called (very out of the ordinary), and asked to check in on the friend. I'm pretty local. I went to her house and couldn't find a sign of her being home, no car, locked up. knocked, worried. Nothing. So, I messaged her, and usually she views my messages pretty quickly. She wasn't viewing anything nor was she active. So I called her, nothing. Left a voicemail, texted, and facebook. Nothing. I started to get really worried and panicked. Am I doing enough? What else should I do? What if she's already gone? It had been about an hour since she last was active on messenger. Am I over reacting??

I went home and fretted for a bit, wondering if I was missing something I should do. I had no idea where she was, so how could I do anything? So, I messaged her family on facebook, her sisters and mother, that I was concerned and trying to find her. But, none of them are my friends on there, so they weren't viewing the messages. They still haven't now.

I sat longer, continuing to worry...and finally called the police. By the time they went to her house she was home again, and she finally messaged me hours later to say she was okay. They spent time with her, police decided to bring in the psychologist and follow proticol for the welfare check. She was upset, and had been having a really difficult day, but had calmed down a litttle after a drive. I was put onto the phone with them and they let me know that what I did was reasonable, and the police had decided to proceed with the addtional action. But, all the while my friend was messaging the chats were awkward and they wouldn't leave her alone. So, I felt terrible. They've referred her to the outpatient program, so they will be giving her support for the next couple of weeks and took time to keep me in the loop, which I wasn't expecting.

The part that seemed most bothersome was I messaged a sister that she didn't want to know about this, as she will give her "hard time" and it'll be a lot to deal with. I totally get that, I just panicked and picked out any family I could find on her page. I didn't think about it properly. She begged me to delete the messages, and I came to find I can't...so it's a matter of time before they find them. I sent follow up messages, saying sorry all is well, our other friend worried me...but she's worried it'll be hard to "talk her down" from the drama. I've created more stress for my friend, who didn't need it.

The messages are like a ticking time bomb, what if I made it worse?

In one mind, I'm glad I did this, but in another I feel it was SO stupid. She was fine. Struggling but she didn't need me interferring.

She did say "it was the best friend response i could think of" but I still feel uneasy. Worried. In trouble. Like I betrayed her.

Thankfully she came over that night, so we could just do something else for awhile, play games, have dinner...i tried to apologise and she said it was fine...but I feel like I broke things I can't repair. Only denial works here.

I explained in messages better than I could in person how important it was that she was safe.

But I'm not sure this was right.

I just have horrid anxiety for the next bad part of this to surface. Sleeping is difficult. I now have to go to an unrelated party today and be happy and presentable...and I have to see how far I can take this act.

I felt terrible for glossing over things in person and just being "normal" but weakening makes it awkward. I am just like her, but no one has "dobbed" me in before.

I don't know.

6 replies

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In response to: I created drama, called the police

RazzleSenior Contributor20 Oct 2019, 1:57 pm AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

@2qwerty Sounds to me you did everything exactly right.

Most people who are at the point of contemplating suicide (not exactly sure your friend was there, but sounds like she was heading in that general direction) don’t usually just go off quietly and do something - they usually reach out in some way, a kind of “clear as mud” message that they need help. I speak from experience, I didn’t actually want to die, I just needed some help.

Your friend was reaching out, sending signals that weren’t entirely clear - hence the term “clear as mud”. She may be a little embarrassed now, but she also has the help she needs.

Had she done something and you hadn’t called the police or contacted her family and she was unsuccessful in her attempt, she would still be in the exact same position as where she is now.

You did the right thing. As the saying goes, “I’d rather spend all night listening to your problems than 15mins listening to your eulogy”. You listened to her and heard those little alarm bells and acted

on it.

When her family find those messages, and she may feel uncomfortable for a while, I hope she looks back and thanks you for what you did. Ultimately, this is her mess but she should be grateful that you were standing beside her through it all. You haven’t broken anything here, and you haven’t added to her stress, she now has help - if anything you’ve made the friendship stronger by proving that you were there for her, and now that she has the help her stress should be somewhat relieved.

Good work, not a lot of people know what to do in that position, a lot of people choose to ignore and not get

involved. She was reaching out to you for a reason, you handled it perfectly.

In response to: Re: I created drama, called the police

frogSenior Contributor20 Oct 2019, 3:14 pm AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

Hey @2qwerty just read your post. Agree with everything @Razzle has said. I think you did very well in a very tough situation. If you were my friend, I would be grateful. Be kind to yourself.

In response to: Re: I created drama, called the police

TeejSenior Contributor20 Oct 2019, 4:37 pm AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

Hey @2qwerty

i totally agree with @Razzle , @frog . You did a brave and great friend thing. It seems like your friend is coping ok with it and will hopefully be really grateful with the follow up they’ll get now.

I hope today is going ok and you are being gentle on you. Be proud that you cared enough to do allyou could. I’d imagine your friend will be surprised but also feeling loved that someone cared to do all you did for them. Any awkwardness went last long but the feeling of having you 'have her back' will last forever.

💜🤗

In response to: Re: I created drama, called the police

TABSenior Contributor21 Oct 2019, 2:41 am AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

a friend visited my from interstate a few months ago, anyway they left abruptly, made vague references to mh issues that had never been mentioned prior.

I hadnt heard anything for a while and was stewing on well well some driving across the country and having a hard time

anyway I called the police they didnt want to know at first but sounded interested after i explained the situation. they called back not long after to say all way ok and friend was home.

they didnt speak to me for months, but might not have anyway. I think i did the right thing ?

In response to: I created drama, called the police

jalloContributor18 Oct 2020, 12:30 pm AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

Maybe it's a good thing that a group of people know now that she's struggling. She may have a safety net in place now that she didn't before you acted.

Either she was asking for help or she wasn't. If she was asking for help (which to me it sounds like she was), it worked because you cared. If she wasn't, she may think about the sorts of things she says to people & how they might be expected to interpret them & react.

I've been where you were & nobody wants to be in that situation. If you're unsure whether to call 000 you have to err on the side of caution.

I hope you're ok, & feel like you can talk about the experience from your point of view too, I know you're concerned for your friend & your friendship, but you were traumatised too. Please take care of yourself.

In response to: I created drama, called the police

jalloContributor18 Oct 2020, 12:35 pm AEDT

Re: I created drama, called the police

Oh & p.s. I don't think it was you who created the 'drama'. There was a crisis situation, & you started with the lowest impact intervention available to you, & as each option didn't resolve the situation, you moved through the next lowest impact intervention to the next, until 000 was the only option left. Your friend dying would have been much worse than what did happen.

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