Setting boundaries with manager post-disclosure

@Kermit I don’t have any experience or advice regarding this situation, but I do feel strongly that mental health has a long way to go in all walks of life. Still stigma everywhere unfortunately , in my personal experience anyway.

Welcome to the forums . Look around and join in if you are comfortable doing so. If you put the @ a dropdown appears, thats how you tag us if you want a reply from anyone in particular.

Hi @Kermit , the experience you describe is why I don't disclose my MI illness to anyone. I protect myself.

I haven't disclosed to friends, family or workplace as I know the indifference and stigma makes me enraged. My GP, psychologist and psychiatrist leave me feeling misheard, misunderstood and stigmatised when I have to see them. They are supposed to be trained in MI & I'd expect them to have empathy.

It's a big burden having a serious MI like I do. The only people I talk to about it are friends on online mental health forums. I have looked far and wide to find a few people who respect me & I trust. I would suggest that in the future you only disclose to people who respect & understand you & who you trust.

Hi there @BryanaCamp, I can totally see where you're coming from. It can be real disheartening and frustrating when you're not finding your particular therapist, doctor or certain members of your support network helpful. Just wanted to add that each professional and member of your network is different and sometimes it takes several go's to find the help you need so I encourage continuing to reach out, and perhaps try different people also. No two are the same so it might take a few tries, but it's always worth keeping it going with help-seeking.

Hello @Kermit

I too feel that there is a long way to go before "mental health" is acknowledged as part of life for so many people let alone understood.

The sad side is as @BryanaCamp and @Maggie have explained with her circumstances, many of us experiencing symptoms of "mental health" are perceptive to the flippant remarks, side glances, innuendo even stares should we so much as sound anxious, show signs of being full on depressed, or demonstrate other symptoms of "mental health" let alone actually disclose that we have symptoms of a "mental illness".

I do not like the term mental health at all...it comes with all of the connotations of past suspicions, attitudes and institutions. I have experienced discrimination from doctors, nurses at hospitals after having surgery as my health is disclosed on my form. My medication taken into hospital and locked away. Refused as not written up on the sheet by a particular person of position at the hospital. A staff issue yet I was the one made to feel that I was causing problems, creating more work!

There is some movement...some change happening about being more open about how a person feels...

large organisations...corporations....are incorporating this into their mission statements, values and policies..

yes change has begun..

however these large corporations write the policies etc without having first hand experience in most cases...

this is then to be passed on down through the varying levels of managements, teams, discussed at meetings...emails sent..

money perhaps donated for a special cause tying in with "mental health"

all of this is great on paper..

it still is not working though..

"r u ok day" turned into a once a year event where everyone asks each person they encounter during their break or the person sitting next to them if they are ok.

how does that work for the other 364 days of the year?.. some of those people are so ignorant and could not care less..I have seen treatment by some towards others and it is appalling...all with a smile...

How you were treated Kermit is appalling ..

You can seek advice and assistance if you so choose...from a disability advocate...unfortunately the word disability is tied in with mental health....says it all doesn't it...

their role is to assist you in dealing with situations like this...

As I am not sure which state you are in I cannot give you exact details.

You can ring Sane office during working hours 1800 187 263 and ask for help.

There are also fact sheets and guidelines ....follow the ("yellow brick road" ) information and stories heading at the top of this page...you will find workplace...stigma...a starting place..

You have every right to feel indignant..

I think that the manager did not handle the situation in an appropriate way at all with or without "mental health"..

a response by email as opposed to ..my door is open if you need to talk approach..

I respect you for standing up for yourself and for writing your story on the forum here.

Freedom of speech is vital also..

I wish you all the best in your standing up for your rights and those of others..

Thank you on behalf of all of us...

Should you wish to speak to any particular person on the forums if you type @in front of the username they will receive a notification (if they have them switched on) that you have mentioned them or written a response to them..

All the best

Sophia

hi @Sophia1 , I think your expectations are high.

At work, I'm employed by local govt so I am not there to make a profit but I am there to perform my contractual and professional duties. I am not there to be counselled by my colleagues who have no professional training in counselling.

I do not ever want to be approached by a colleague to counsel them or give emotional support or understanding. Man, I'm burnt out just from dealing with all the shit that comes with having schizophrenia. I don't want to be burdened by anyone else's problems.

I have 2 council jobs in public libraries. Both are, "Are you ok?" employers. I read the, "are you ok?" brochure during a tea break and was like, "F**k off, I'm not doing that for nobody." It said you should get together with the ill person for an hour, outside of work, for a heart to heart. Are you kidding me? Firstly, I purposefully don't know anyone well enough at work to ask them to meet me outside of work. Secondly, an hour? Of them complaining about how hard their mental health is? When I have a huge trauma background that will always be more severe than anything they have even seen let alone experienced? When I have a mental illness that is far more serious than anything they have experienced (they likely have mild anxiety, mild depression)? Forget it.

For example, I went to an anxiety support group. I shared with the group that I keep tabs on my anxiety/psychotic symptoms for early warning signs such as if I cross the street without looking left and right, I know that's a red flag. The only response I got was, "BryanaCamp, that's so confronting!!! Did you find that confronting??". To which my reply in my head only was, "wtf? I want to live so if I waltz onto the street into oncoming traffic I don't get to live. I get it & I look out for that."

What do you expect from your colleagues @Sophia1 ? Could be me. What if one of them was as unwell as me, would you be be able to hear that when I'm unwell I cross the street without looking 'cos I'm unfortunately psychotic? would you have energy and empathy to support me? Probably not. That's why I don't tell anything about myself at work & operate independently. Have you considered how you'd respond if a colleague is a victim of extreme mental illness & asked you for support? Would you ask them to spend an hour with you, outside of work hours so you could give them emotional support?

Hello @BryanaCamp

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and express how you feel as a result of reading my words.

I am wondering if I possibly managed to confuse my meaning..

It would not be the first time that I have done this on the forums..

I am not in favour of "are you ok day" at all. I find it insulting that I and others are expected to ask the question on a designated day.

People are all different in how they deal with symptoms of mental health..

I keep mine very private.

I agree someone who normally would not give me the time of day, approaching me to ask me if I am ok, purely because it is the day designated to ask, is insulting, intrusive and fake.

If I feel that someone is struggling on any day of the year ..If I know them I might ask if they are ok. I certainly would not ask if they would like to talk to me for an hour.

I understand your reaction within the support group.

Not sure whether this will make my response worse or not.

I too have been living with mental health symptoms on and off throughout my whole life...I do not have the same diagnosis as you ..however I have been discriminated against on several occasions. I have had some huge struggles and external trauma.

I do not want to add fuel to the fire if you are upset by what I have written.

I am actually on the same page as you..

I will leave it there..as sometimes the more a person tries to fix a misunderstanding the more infused and complicated it becomes.

Sophia