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Ramblings

OwafContributor

Ramblings

The ramblings that paints dark black,
A night that compounds what I lack.
The tears that dampen a weary heart,
A tired life that refuses to start.

I'm stuck on a seemingly mediocre path,
Worrying about a fate that's worthy of a laugh.
No great danger or cause for alarm
But I'm struggling to find soothing charm.

I desire more time but I waste what I have,
I need to be positive and stop hoping to be saved.
Can't rebuild a difficult life's foundation,
Or find comfort in a world full of lamentation.

Adding this note as a token I'm here,
Confused and lost to a meaningless fear.
I just want to exist outside of this pain,
Wanting words to remain static and sane.

Hello, I'm tired. I don't know what to say.

6 replies

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In response to: Ramblings

OwafContributor

Re: Ramblings

The flawed logic stamped in confusement,
Dragged in circles for fate's amusement.
A common flaw that scars imperfection,
Unable to fully accept nature's direction.

Who else would I be if things were "right"?
What stability would I find with fabled might.
Would a new flaw become the main focus?
A replaced internal tirade of insulting locus.

What am I trying to say or answers I seek?
So scared to be singled out as mediocre freak.
Blend to society to hide from knowing view,
Terrified to be valued as grey without hue.

I'm not perfect, never was or will ever be
But becoming less is horrifying to me.
Minor flaw in some eyes but that doesn't placate,
Coming to terms with the biological mandate.

Sad.

In response to: Ramblings

KurraSenior Contributor

Re: Ramblings

I feel for you @Owaf
I remember believing that nothing would ever change but I'm a stubborn critter and decided to rebuild my life one step at a time. It worked for quite some time and then I came crashing down and destroyed it all.

I started the rebuilding process again and dug my heels in. I forced myself to do things when I really didn't want to and slowly but surely I learnt how to keep going even when times were tough.

For me, it was the only way to go. My music helped me a lot. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling sad. Thinking of you. 💛

In response to: Ramblings

OwafContributor

Re: Ramblings

Unipolar, didn't even know that was a thing, disturbing the sheer number of potential labels. I'm doing OK, just feeling a little off right now, too much stress and not enough sleep or something.

Wallow in the failings of lost sin,
Stewing in thoughts with past tense.
It's when life feels so utterly thin
That music pierces the deep silence.

Melodic reminder to fill my lungs,
The resonance of a drawn string.
I can close my eyes to the same songs
And be present in the sadness they bring.

Maintaining balance without a solid core,
Figures that bring no comfort and only fear.
I keep walking as an acceptable chore
Because I keep forgetting I'm still here.

In response to: Ramblings

KurraSenior Contributor

Re: Ramblings

Love it @Owaf!

In response to: Re: Ramblings

OwafContributor

Re: Ramblings

Removed, person details I'd rather not stay publicly available.

In response to: Re: Ramblings

OwafContributor

Re: Ramblings

Hate

It's not hate but the term seems to fit,
An ill feeling that can never be justified.
The tension that builds to throw a hit,
Discussing makes me feel like I've lied.

I can't say this or raise each concern,
Shut my mouth and deal with it like an adult.
A selfish bastard that should just learn,
Gain perspective so I can bring it to a halt.

Others have it far worse beyond my meager detention.
But I've been raped, abused and left for dead.
Trying my best but I can't find any direction,
Please forgive me for what should never be said.

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