Career Chat // Handling difficult feedback // CLOSED

Hello @NikNik & @Renstar

What do you do with non existing feedback?

I would also be really interested in tips how to give difficult feedback as well, please.

Thank you 🙂

Hi @NikNik

I would have loved to have been on here Friday morning - but I'm at work!!

I struggle a lot with negative feedback even if it's a little thing, in my mind I have blown it up to be huge. I remember not so long ago my area supervisor walked in the store, looked around and then turned to me and said 'the shop is messy, it's not looking good'. Well that was I all needed to have a melt down. Unbeknown to me - his manager was coming to our store and that's why he wanted the store to look even better than what it already was.

I am at the moment 'sort of in charge' of a few shop girls. And every single day I praise the girls and say thanks for today. I always ask how they are, and if they need any help to ask me. But I never get any praise.

I don't know how to handle negative feedback or criticism. I take it so pesonally and to heart that I then have an emotional meltdown. So any tips would be helpful.

Good morning @NikNik and @Renstar

as I won't be here for the session, here my explanation for "no feedback". I had a manager who gave no feedback - nothing - no positive, no negative, no constructive, nothing. I feel this was so wrong and demotivating.

The other question I have is when does feedback cross the line to discrimination? I guess for my current manager, without knowing the reason for my absences and continued medical appointments, it must be very difficult to comment on performance. I think it is not only performance, but the need to constantly have a plan B for my random absences. I've had flippant comments from peers about my absences, but so far my manager has stayed clear of the situation.

Hi everyone,

Welcome to our Friday Career Chat. Today's topic is "Handling difficult feedback".

Thanks to @Former-Member and @BlueBay for your advance questions - we will endeavour to cover these today for you.

I just wanted to open by saying that pretty much everyone hates receiving negative feedback. Being told that you've done something wrong or not met your manager's expectations can come as a huge blow, especially if you already have an anxious mind. It's completely natural to feel upset.

However, negative feedback is something we all receive from time to time at work (while I'd love to be, we can't be perfect all of the time). So learning how to deal with criticism is a really great skill to learn. And as mentioned by @Flower, learning how to give difficult feedback is also important.

My personal coping strategy is to see feedback (whether negative or positive) as an opporunity to improve myself or the project I'm working on. I do my very best not to take it as a personal attack, and try more to focus on the needs of the project/business.

But we all know it's not that straight forward. Sometimes manager's aren't particularly good at giving constructive feedback (ie. not saying anything at all). Let's chat today about our experiences and how we can make these more positive in the future...

HI @Renstar,

This is a wonderful topic. I'm really looking forward to this morning's discussion.

Even after many years in the workforce, I still struggle a little with negative feedback. It can be very difficult to not take such feedback as a comment of your capabilities, but more (as you suggested) reflective of the business requirements/practices of the role you are in.

You also raised an equally important point around how this feedback is delivered. I think nearly everyone has had the experience of being given feedback in a way that was not very sensitive or constructive. One strategy that has really helped me in this position is to wait and NOT respond immediately. We all tend to become defensive when we feel under attack and sometimes my initial response to feedback has been filled with anger and very reactive. I've found that it really helps if I can wait a day or so and sit with the feedback, and try and consider my manager's perspective and what would be motivating them to have this discussion with me. Once I am able to see this, I have been able to calm down and look at situation for what it is, and process and integrate the feedback rather than feeling personally afronted. Has anyone else found that they have had a similar experience of dealing with feedback?

Hi @BlueBay

I think we have all worked with Manager's at one time or another who seem to focus on providing negative feedback but forget to provide positive feedback and this can be very de-motivating. The important thing to remember is that no feedback does not mean that you are not doing a good job and often times means quite the opposite.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your team and I often find that positive reinforcement from my team can compensate for an absent Manager.

I hope this is helpful.

Hi @Former-Member

Some Manager’s do not always realise the importance of giving feedback to their staff, both positive and constructive, on a regular basis, and in their busy schedules this can often get forgotten. I find it useful to try to illicit feedback from my Manager whenever possible. When updating them on a project I will ask “Does that sound like the right approach to you?”, “Are you happy with my progress so far?”, “Are you happy for me to proceed with that action?”. I find that often get the positive reinforcement that I need through this process.

When giving negative or constructive feedback to my staff, I like to have a broader conversation with them and not just focus on the issue that I feel requires a difficult conversation. This way I can also praise them for the things they are doing well and not just leave them feeling like all of my feedback is negative. I find often get a much more positive and accepting response from my staff with this approach.

It is also important to only focus on the core issue that needs resolving and not feel tempted to try to bring up every little issue in the one meeting as this will leave them feeling deflated and you probably won’t get the best outcome with this approach.

Hello @Renstar@NikNik@Former-Member@BlueBay and all who are reading,

How we receive or give negative feedback in the workplace depends if the critique is a "one off mishap" or occurring/having to be given multiple times over a certain period - in the latter the response can escalate and vary. Are we speaking of negative feedback received/given that occurred/s as a "one off" or very infrequently?

In the latter situation my initial response to negative feedback in the workplace would depend largely on how it is delivered but also equally depended on the existing relationship and temperament of the manager or person in charge who is correcting me. For example - I know my manager is a fair person - so I am not defensive with her initially. If I was - that is an area for me to work on that requires patience and reflection of what was said before reacting. So if I am particularly anxious or depressed when negative feedback is presented the best approach to handling this is to go away and think about what was said before giving a response.

With my manager I initially felt a little embarrassed when critiqued as I am a perfectionist - but I shook this off, listen intently to her advice assuring her that "it won't happen again". Then I put my best foot forward and worked on it as it was reasonable, constructive criticism that I discerned immediately.

If that discernment is not clear straight away for whatever reason, the best way I have dealt with such a situation in the past is to not react initially but to go away and think about clearly what was discussed. If it's clear it was constructive as stated above I see that as room for improvement and work on the mistake without taking it personally as all make them; - it really is what we do once realising we have erred that makes all the difference to our success in the workplace.

If after reflection I found the negative feedback unreasonable or not constructive for whatever reason I would make arrangements to speak with the manager and discuss openly my concerns and state my case. If there are any misunderstandings I would seek to clear it up this way before seeking to move on

In my working experience I have noticed that if a manager has not the respect of their staff (reputation of not being fair, being inconsiderate to feelings/indivual circumstances, being controlling by "never praising efforts or good work just criticising only etc" will breed resentment in staff) - staff will then not work productively or take any negative feedback kindly (will take it personally).

My manager did make a point of saying when she critiqued myself that "it's an easy oversight/mistake to make which she has "done herself in the past". Being humble when giving out negative feedback when in a position of power particularly initially, with the balance of also pointing out the staff members positive strengths and achievement whilst critiquing - goes along way to creating feelings of equality/being valued enhancing a greater probability of a more positive reaction from the staff member receiving the critique.

But if a manager/individual has to critique the same individual on numerous occasions for the same mishap - then one has to get to the point firmly. It's not easy being a manager - keeping this in mind also helps with my initial reaction.

Some great insights @OverTheEdge. Receiving negative feedback when you are used to receiving praise can be very difficult. And reacting "in the moment" may cause you to do or say something you may regret later.

So if the negative feedback concerns something that doesn't need to be fixed straight away, it's a great idea to ask for time to consider the feedback. This not only diffuses the immediate situation and gives you time to consider the accuracy of what's been said, but it tells the other person that their feedback is important enough for you to consider carefully and calmly.

You could say something like "Thanks for your feedback, would you mind if I give what you've said some thought and get back to tomorrow morning?" This gives you a chance to come back with a carefully considered response, in a calm manner.

Remember that the person giving the feedback may also be feeling emotional or anxious during the exchange, so confirming that you've heard what they've said and agreeing to discuss it later may give them some time to gain a bit more perspective on the issue too.

An important thing to remember that mistakes are normal. Apologise if necessary and learn from your mistakes, but also choose to move on and be happy (don't let the feedback linger in your mind).

@Former-Member, it sounds like you have a great Manager!

She is a great manager @Renstar. A beautiful, genuine special person whom I would do almost anything for as she brings out the best in me ❤️