Embarrassed and unsure about the past

@Bunniekins @CheerBear @BryanaCamp @Appleblossom @Jadedragon thank you all. I do try not to think too much about it I guess it just worries me because I get so scared of ending up back in the hospital so I try and do everything I can to avoid it. It is hard to manage the feeling you develop from things that happen when most other people around you arent going through the same thing. for example I always find I like to watch movies and such that I can relate to and there are heaps about love and romance but not so many about mental health issues and most that are have done a pretty bad job because they only explore the incorrect streotypes so they arent even relatable. it makes it hard to find comfort about an issue that makes you feel isolated when you cant share in your experience with anyone else. it just reinforces the feeling of being alone and different and that i find is hard to cope with.

@Eden1919

Like you I prefer movies about mental health issues.

It is sometimes hard to know what are stereotypes and what is just different styles of handling a very difficult topic. I watched stuff about Sybil but then was shocked at the bigger story and Lady with a Van ... there are probably issues of one kind or another with most of these movies.

Keep trying and being you.

Take Care as well

Eden1919 I find it also a very lonely journey, I don't know anyone else personally with Bipolar disorder, I know there are meeting groups around but have yet to attend one. There are people around that you can open up to but not many who have experienced the struggles. Stigma should be getting less these days but I don't actually feel that it is? partly due to the media portrayal of people with mental health problems.

the stigma really isnt getting better @Jadedragon it is just changing shape. now if you have a mental health issues it is viewed as your identity and they still 'lock people up' for mental health issues as well as force people to have ECT and other things. none of that has stopped it is just hidden under clinical procedure and legal acts desgined to manage people who are different in society but were never created with thoes peoples welbeing in mind. it is also hard because i truly believe that if you havent experienced these issues then you cannot ever fully inderstand them in the way that people who have are looking for. i know if i hadnt i would not be able too, I cant even find words to describe what goes on in my head so how can i expect someone else who has never experienced it too. but this lack of understanding is what drives stigma in the first place which is why i think it is important that people with mental health issues are given the chance to speak and are actually listened to when it comes to how to adress issues that affect them. but that is my rant over. perhaps if you cant find a support group you should look into starting one as it is likely there are people in your area who want the same thing but it isnt avaliable. of course that would take a lot of effort so might not be best if you are not up for it.

hi @Eden1919 don't feel embarassed or isolated about anything, I'm sure there are lots on the forum who've done worse whilst unwell. You're not alone. I once attacked a dysfunctioning printer with a mattock. It just made a big mess (the toner) and made me feel worse so from them on I stored the mattock out of the house where I couldn't access it. It's good to take steps like that so you can't repeat an action that you felt remorse for afterwards.

Can I please give you some feedback about formatting?

I'd like to read your psots & give support but it's too hard to read your posts. They're one big, dense paragraph without sentences with capitals or breaking it down to small paragraphs.

I don't have the concentration, due to mental illness, to read your posts. It would be a lot easier for me to support you, and possibly for others here to support you, if you post sentences with capitals and break up you sentences into short paragraphs.

I get that you're expressing a stream of conciousness in your posts but they are so dense I can't read them. Therefore I can't support you as I'd like to

@BryanaCamp I am sorry you struggle with concentration. however my own mental health issues mean i have my own struggles. and one of those is editing which actually causes me a lot of distress and is not something i feel i should have to do to the point of getting upset on here. if that means that you cannot respond to my posts then that is fine i understand but i will not cause myself extra stress at this point. just because something is right for you doesnt mean it is right for everyone else please respect my right to express myself how it is comfortable for me within the community guidelines. as i said before if you are unable to read the posts then dont feel pressure to continue.

@Eden1919 You seem resistent to even the tiniest amount of respectful feedback or advice, seem to get only defensive?

From 20 years experience in the workplace, working with my mental illness, I can respectfully adivse you that you have to be receptive to feedback at work. It comes from colleagues and managers and is not negotiable. You have to respond to feedback and take it on board, your reputation & livelihood depend on it.

This could be a safe place for you to practice receiving respecful feedback. My feedback and advice to you has been within the guidelines and comes from a place of wisdon gained from lived experience and from generosity. Most people value my support and advice as I have survivied chronic trauma and abuse thru my deveopmental years and yet manage to hold down 2 jobs, friends & a social life with the burden of schizophrenia.

@BryanaCamp I am sorry you feel that way, my intention was to not make you feel any pressure to act either way if my posts were causing you stress. again sorry but I dont feel I have done anything wrong. as for feeback in the workplace yes you have to take feedback in the workplace but this is NOT the workplace, I am not being paid to do a job here and I have not signed a contract that says I must write in a certain way. My life is full of stress as is many other peoples and forgive me if i dont feel like adding to that stress when i am on here. I am sure your advice comes from experience however your expeireince is your own and as i said before just because something works for you does not mean it is the right way to go for everyone. I also did not say your advice was not within the guidelines I was referring to my own writing and simply stating that i am within my rights to express myself so long as it is within the guidlines.

I have pleanty of places to recieve feedback elsewhere and quite frankly I dont come here to master the skills of writing. I am sorry you seem upset by my response but I dont believe what i sad was bad or inconsiderate, you may disagree. I think it is ok to have disagreements we are all adults but as i said if this is too stressful for you then do not feel that you need to read my posts I dont want to upset you but I also want to be comfortable and as you are asking me to change without you doing anything to change to help me I dont really think that is fair when neither of us are doing anything wrong. so again no pressure to cause yourself stress by replying to me and I am sorry if my post upset you. I didnt mean to make you feel as though your opinion was invalid. all opinions are valid that is why they are not facts because no matter what they are still true.