Joining the discussion

Hi @Gameoverluke ,

welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing what you are going through. I don't really have much to offer in the way of advice, but, I'm sure others here will be able to suggest a few things. It sounds like you have a lot of things going on and have been through a lot recently. I'm not sure about moving so far away from your daughter, I do a fair bit of travelling, and at first it's not to bad, but, over time is quite wearing. Will you be travelling in car or public transport? The latter would be a little easier I think.

I would take it slow and don'ot let it worry you to much, try and stay busy, eat well and exercise as much as you can. If you use a @ in front of someones name it will 'notify' them of your reply. Hope you can have a look around the forum and find some suggestions there. There is a thread called Coping Box which may help a little.

Congragulations on the birth of your daughter 🙂

Take care

@Gazza75 thank you, I will be sure to check that one out!

No problem @Gameoverluke 🙂

That is a super tough decision to have to make @Gameoverluke On one hand the move would help you with support - friendships, financially and emotionally but then living so far from your daughter would also be really difficult on you. It may be the case that if you were better of financially and emotionally then you would be in a better place to see and support your daughter also but then 3 hours is a long travel time and all that travel would have an effect on you too. On the other hand staying in a place where you have little support and is more expensive can have a negative impact on us also.

Would it be possible for you to move short term to receive that support and get back on your feet financially and then look at moving closer to your daughter again in the future. I will add here that I am not a parent (fur babies yes but kids of my own no) so looking at it from a purely objective way but maybe with that bit more stability around you the time you would spend with your daughter every weekend would be more fulfilling for both of you if you were happier and healthier.

A really tough decision to have to make and I wish you nothing but the best in whatever you choose. You will also have support here so welcome to the forum and goodluck with making the decision that is right for you.

@Zoe7 Thank you

I have a lease until January so cant go anywhere for awhile. The idea of leaving my daughter behind kills me. I want her to know im here and available when she needs me. But then I travel 1.5 hours to work each day and back 1.5 hours and live in a suburb where I have 0 family of friends. The other option is move closer to work but then that would create further financial difficulty. Find a job near home, lose 20k income as nothing around that is suitable.

Its a real tough decision.

It really is a dilemma @Gameoverluke and it seems like there are no simple answers for you. Either way you look at it there will be something you have to forego and I can hear how much you want to be there for your daughter. The only advice I can really suggest is that you need to be able to look after yourself in order to be there as you would like to for others. Your daughter needs you to be the best version of yourself as you can be not just now in the short term but into the future as well so there is a lot for you to think about and weigh up. Kids are incredibly resilient but they do also pick up on our emotions and that does have an effect on them. She will love you regardless as you are her Dad but part of that is making decisions that will benefit you both.

Do you have someone you can talk all this through with - a GP, psych, close friend? Often in sharing - just as you are doing here - we can unravel the answer by seeing it from all angles.

@Zoe7 Yes, I need to discuss with a few people. Some "Friends" dont get it at all thou

I am pleased to hear you do have people you can talk to @Gameoverluke

Keep us updated and feel free to continue talking it through here also. I can see our wonderful @Gazza75 has also provided his support already and I am sure others will do the same later when they are around.

Also have a look around the forum and join in conversations where you feel comfortable to do so. It is a very caring and compassionate community and a pleasure to now have you part of it