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Scared

BrightfighterCasual Contributor01 Oct 2019, 6:09 am AEST

Scared

I feel so afraid. Afraid of my constant conflicting thoughts. Scared that certain people may hurt me. I'm not sleeping well. I feel like my treating team aren't listening. I've been home two weeks after a three month admission. Various medication trials and eventually ECT. I'm not depressed but I am agitated. I was manic when I came home and I had the best week ever. Since then it has turned to agitation and intrusive thoughts. I actually don't know how to handle this. I've taken on ineffective coping behaviours which I haven't engaged in for over five years. Why I do not know. I guess it's the lesser of two evils. Any suggestions to cope would be greatly appreciated. Xx

6 replies

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In response to: Scared

CheerBearSenior Contributor01 Oct 2019, 6:26 am AEST

Re: Scared

Hi @Brightfighter and welcome to the forum. I really like your username. It sounds strong.

So sorry to hear that things are hard. I've found it difficult adjusting after three week admissions so I can only imagine how difficult it might be after three months.

Lots of us use coping mechanisms that aren't always effective or that can make things worse in the long run when things get rough. Often it's what we feel we have do to get through. Do your treating team know this is happening for you? It would be very hard if they do know but they aren't listening to you.

What kinds of things have helped you get through tough times in the past? I use a variety of strategies to help me ride it out including things that bring me comfort (wrapping myself in my blanket, spending time with my cats..), distract me (craft, random YouTube stuff...), keep me connected (chatting here on the forum, being around people even though I might not feel like it...), bring me calm (cup of tea in the garden, going for a walk), and things that 'get it out' (writing, exercise etc.). It's hard to work out what might help at times though and really hard when little seems to work.

It's great to see you reaching out. I hope you find it helpful to be here.

In response to: Re: Scared

BrightfighterCasual Contributor01 Oct 2019, 6:37 am AEST

Re: Scared

@CheerBear Thankyou for replying. My treating team do know yet they're saying they can't do anything at the moment. I'm going to my go tomorrow to see if she can help.
I recently took up writing again which helps to a degree. My concentration is appalling so it's only in short periods. I do love to snuggle with my cats. Listening to music is also helpful except when I'm hyper vigilant. I just can't seem to get on top of the agitation. I find it hard to shower due to fear I will come to harm. In hospital I'd have a nurse stand outside whilst I showered. I'm going to try mowing the lawns today. That should take up a few hours. There's a lot to mow!!! Thankyou for caring. Hope you have a great day xx

In response to: Re: Scared

CheerBearSenior Contributor01 Oct 2019, 6:46 am AEST

Re: Scared

Cats are awesome @Brightfighter! Music and mowing too. Mowing with music and headphones is one of my favourite ways to get out some agitation, though I get that sometimes things like music aren't so helpful. It sounds like you're doing a lot to get through this. I hope you're able to give yourself some credit for that and that there's some gentle in there for you too.

Good to hear you're going to see your GP. That's another thing I find helfpul also. Can she talk with your treating team? Maybe she could help them understand and encourage them to support you more.

There's heaps of care and understanding here on the forum. I'm thinking others will come by later and offer their support also. Have a look around and join in wherever you'd like (there are cat lovers everywhere 😉🙂) and keep posting if it helps!

In response to: Re: Scared

BrightfighterCasual Contributor01 Oct 2019, 6:51 am AEST

Re: Scared

@CheerBear Thankyou

In response to: Re: Scared

Gazza75Senior Contributor01 Oct 2019, 9:09 am AEST

Re: Scared

Hi @Brightfighter , welcome to the forums.

I hope you can slowly start to turn things around and get on top of things. It sounds like you are taking posotive steps to overcome your fears. Try and stay positive and don't be to harsh on yourself. It takes time to readjust to being on our own and in our own skin sometimes.

What kind of stuff do you write? I used to try and write when I was younger. I found it fun. Mostly now I read.. science fiction, fantasy and historical fiction.

Hope the mowing goes alright. As the wonderful @CheerBear suggested, please have a look round and join in some of the threads if you feel comfortable. Happy to tag and introduce you into some of the busier social type ones if you like 🙂

Take care

In response to: Scared

AccessContributor01 Oct 2019, 7:09 pm AEST

Re: Scared

Hi, when I am in the begining of recovery process after an episode, I could not do it without support. Whenever I have tried to do it without support of family or friends I just remain in a symptomatic state which can go on for over a year until I reach out. The worst thing about reconnecting is the stigma and bias from everyone including those you know well. I have found it doesn't hurt to take a back seat through this time and let people treat you like you have a disability, it is confronting and discriminating which has a dehumanising theme to relationships, but after a while those connections regain any trust that has been lost to severity of symptoms and behaviours and the relationships are favoured rather than the disease. Best of everything will hopefully come your way, take care..

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