My partner has severe anxiety/panic attacks and I can’t cope anymore. Need advice pls as I feel I’m ready to walk away after 19yrs together

Hi Everyone,

I’ve never done this before and part of me feels guilty like I’ve failed my family especially my 2 beautiful children (11 and 4).

My partner of 19yrs started having severe panic attacks about 9 months ago and prior to this I had never seen one and it was really scary. The kids witnessed it and it lasted about 2hrs. I’m a registered nurse (paediatric) and I kept calm and tried to help him through the hyperventilation, shaking, crying uncontrollably, chest pain, drooling etc. It was horrible and the first of many! Life has been really challenging since then and even with him seen a psychiatrist privately we are still struggling so much. He has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder/severe anxiety/social anxiety disorder.

He doesn’t leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary and anything and I mean anything can trigger a panic attack that can last hours.

I am exhausted and I feel I can’t go on like this anymore and part of me just wants to walk away but our kids love him so much.

Before all this started he was my rock and the person I turned for anything and his support and love was unconditional. His values and the ways he views things are amazing. He has always been an amazing father to our kids and I could never fault him on it.

I miss him so much and so do the kids.

I have tried so hard to understand this but I feel so lost and confused. The kids have lost such a big part of their lives and I feel like I’m walking on egg shells/air bubbles constantly. I keep a lot to myself and I don’t tell anyone how I really feel.

I feel like a single mother and thank God I have managed to work from home but I just feel like I’m running so low on everything. I’m practically his carer. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and what is making all this worse is the fact that our 11yr old is affected by it all now too. He is constantly worried about his dad and him having another attack.

The medications my partner is on give him the shakes which make him look like he has early Parkinson’s disease.

I just feel so down with no way out.

I have never heard of social anxiety before and I’m hoping anyone with this type of diagnosis can pls give me an insight into it and what I can expect.

Thank you in advance 🙏🏻