Internalized stigma

Hi @Eden1919 , I am struggling to feel like I fit in or belong in society and particularly at work. I always feel like there is something wrong with me or that I have a sticker on my head that says MH. I don't feel like I have the confidence that I used to have and fear I am going to say something stupid or wrong. I don't contribute as much in meetings, i'm reluctant to volunteer for extra tasks and responsibilities.

As for the professionals, I've only had minimal contact and experience with them, but, I don't feel that they have understanding of my issues even though I tell them clearly what they are. They just want to hand out pills and get me out of the office.

Hi @Eden1919 @Gazza75

This all sounds so familiar to me.

It's a bit better since I found the forum because at least there's a place where people just get it.

I thought I was making real progress on this front until recently when I started a new relationship and all the not good enough, what if he runs a mile feelings flooded back in

It isn't coming from him because I haven't told him. It's my stuff. Still, my stuff is based on decades of hearing all the crap that goes on in society at large.

It's a struggle. No answers, but I hear you.

@frog @Gazza75 yes it is very hard when it knocks your confidence so much it is like you are constantly walking on shaky ground. I am trying to notice when this happens to me and well i am strating to realise it is happening a lot more than i even realised just small thoughts like "i dont deserve this" in relation to study allowments or "I shouldnt say my opinion because i cant speak about this when i have a MH issue" and just small thoughts that you dont even notice usually and it is kind of sad. It makes it so hard because the way we test reality the thing we underpin our entire belief system on is by talking with others and finding the common. but those of us who have been labled as mentally ill are never able to do that without fear of reprecussions so we end up hiding and feeling ashamed and uncertain about our beliefs which then means we have to question everything. it is like a kid who doesnt understand a math problem but is too scared to ask, at first they can keep up but things get harder and they get more behind and then before you know it things are falling appart. it just makes me sad.

hi @Eden1919 .Try getting a job and communicating with colleagues/managers and managing workplace relationships. That will prove your worth to you. It will also help you get out of theory-land and into practice/real life. I didn't learn anything about myself or my worth by being at uni, theorising. I learnt through making my own way financially, working in jobs. The workplace is a very good teacher.

@BryanaCamp well i am glad that worked for you but i cannot work until i have a qulification something i will get from uni and further more "practice world" is built out of theory world and most things that we take for granted as real world started out as theory and are just now well established so I am fine in theory world for now but I am glad you have found something that worked for you.