Career Chat // When you're worried about a colleague // CLOSED

Thanks @Flower for your honest feedback around what we’re hoping to discuss today. I suppose the point of RUOKDay is to get people talking, and perhaps by talking it could lead to a point where people feel comfortable talking to their colleagues about their challenges, potentially including a mental illness. I know another idea behind the day is that a simple “how are you”, or an indication that someone cares enough to ask, can lighten up the day of someone who is dealing with negative feelings or is having a particularly bad day. But that of course is only the start. And if it also brings to the surface negative feelings or memories of stigma, then perhaps it is having the opposite effect. I'm really sorry that that has been the reality for you In any case, that’s what we’re hoping to talk about today. Not just RUOKDay, but any conversation with a colleague you’re worried about. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but I saw a post on Facebook this morning saying if a conversation seems hard, it’s probably worth having. Do you agree? How do you have that conversation?

Thanks @Former-Member .

It sounds like you have an exceptionally well-attuned radar for picking up on the feelings of your colleagues, and knowing how to proceed along the delicate path of discussing with them what’s wrong, and what could possibly be done about it. All your suggestions about dealing with issues with your colleagues sound really practical and sensible – taking them aside to talk if they are obviously struggling, offering support, even suggesting colleagues they could talk to. And I’m so glad to hear you do have some colleagues yourself who check up on you , even if those discussions don’t go as far as talking about mental illness as such. I have personally used simple conversation starters like “how’s the family?”, or even completely non-invasive stuff like “I like your dress”, just to start a conversation with a workmate who looks like they could do with a chat. Sometimes they lead to more intimate discussions about what’s wrong, sometimes the colleague simply is grateful that I’ve asked. The other difficulty, of course, is knowing what to look for. People send off different signals don’t they? What signs can we look for in our colleagues to show they might not be quite right?

Hi @Renstar

Do you have any tips on how to manage the conversations if they do get quite deep?

Should we tell someone? What is helpful to that person?

Thanks

Hi @NikNik,

The best way to be helpful is to listen to that person. Spend some time with them talking about their experiences, ask questions, and let them know that you are there for them.

If the conversation starts to get pretty deep, it may be most helpful to encourage that person to see a doctor for professional advice. You could support them by offering to help make an appointment or to find other information that may be helpful. Many workplaces also have resources such as an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which are free for staff to access.

You can show you care by asking them how their appointment went, checking in on them and reassuring them that you'll respect their privacy.

The only circumstance where I think you should tell someone about what you've heard, is if you are concerned for that person's safety.

Thanks to @Flower and @NikNik for chatting with us today about how to help a colleague you may be worried about.

As shared by @Flower, the best help is sometimes just being there for that person, listening to their worries and reassuring them that you're there for them. If the conversation starts to get a bit deep, and you think it may be more than just a "bad day", it may be better to help them seek professional support.

Next week we will be talking about how to handle difficult feedback from a manager. I'm sure this is something we've all encountered! I look forward to sharing our experiences together and talking about what you can do to make the experience a more mentally healthy one.

🙂