son2 continued

Gosh @Bunniekins that sounds so hard. You must be very torn between each of their needs. I hope you get some time to look after yourself too.

I have no experience with this so I cant offer any advice. But I'm listening, I hear you pea xx

What a quandry @Bunniekins I feel for you deeply. Sending you strength, perseverance and warm wishes. I don't know what to suggest, but hope a solution becomes apparent in the near future.

@Bunniekins hey little pea, I think it's going to take time to resolve. I would try not to think about it and go along for time being. Set a review date in one month. Then review everything then. That way, it's the most gentle on you all. Bit by bit. It will resolve for the best for you all.

Hey @Bunniekins I’m sorry reading this. You’re in such a difficult situation. I really feel for you.

Just letting you know that I’m hearing you and sending you lots of hugs ❤️❤️

@Bunniekins ♥️♥️🌼🌼☕☕

Feeling for you @Bunniekins ❣️🖤💙💜💛🧡❤️💚 I don’t think I can offer any magical words of wisdom, but just wanted to let you know that I’m sure what ever decisions you make, I’m sure they will be the ones needed by both you and your kidults. I know you love them both. Xx

@Bunniekins I may be the one here that sees things differently. You have stated before that at times you are scared of your son2 and that must also be having an impact on your D. By son2 having greater needs is actually dismissing the needs of your D and yourself. Often we can get so fixated on those to be seen as in most need and someone else suffers as a result. Your D is voicing her concerns and obviously is also asking for help. I know I am not a mother - and no-one should have to choose between their own children - but be careful that by putting off the inevitable with your son2 that it is not causing more damage for your D and also to yourself Hon. You both need and deserve some stability, peace, safety and care also. Is there a way that you can get son2 into temporary respite or a shared facility short term as a prelude to more longer term? Sometimes the harder decisions are those that need to be made for the benefit and care of all parties concerned and honestly if it is a decision between your ongoing safety and that of your Ds then that is one really hard decision that needs to be made.

This I say from personal experience - whilst I love my Dad I have always wished that my mother had left him so I did not have to witness or deal with first hand his violence. It is not something that anyone should be put through and can have long reaching implications. I know it is the voices for son2 that are violent and not the boy you know inside but now that he is bigger it is harder to control him when the voices become violent. What it ultimately comes down to Hon is how would you feel if those voices take over and he does something that none of you can come back from - he deserves just as much care as anyone else but perhaps that needs to be somewhere that can minimise any damage to you and your D as well.

@Molliex @eth @Meowmy @BlueBay @Gazza75 @Queenie @Zoe7 thank you so much for your very kind words. I really, really appreciate themxxx.

Zoe7 you have given me alot of food for thought. I have not thought about my problem in the way that you have described at all. After reading your thoughts I feel much more likely to push forward and go ahead with shared accomodation particularly for the sake of my daughter. Maybe shared accomodation will help my son at this stage of his development more than I can .... this is something that I have not even thought of. Thanks Zoe7 :)xx.

@Bunniekins Hey good morning, little pea. Think you are right about son two stage of development. Nothing will be better than a mother’s love. But he needs also structure and discipline a care home can provide. Even if he gets one day a week overnight care home accommodation, that will balance you, your home and daughter’s situation. It’s a beautiful day here. Hope you have some good in your day. Take care,

Dear @Bunniekins

I have some idea of how much you have held back in spelling out the difficulties you face. The old problem of the squeaky wheel can tip us towards managing the louder person or issue. I am tending towards the approach @Zoe7 has mentioned. I also have seen how too much mothering for an adult son can be counterproductive. SOmetimes they need a nudge in the direction of increasing independence and self responsibilty. Its all very well for his psych to have an opinion, but there are more lives at stake, than he might consider from his limited observation as a clinician. That is part of the problem with the endless expert parade ... If you wait til he son2 finally gets it ... more damage may be done to you and your daughter. NOt to say your love for your boy will change but ot might look different, with cheery visits from and to you.

I was a sister who had to live with a brother constantly acting out. I chose to leave home at 16 as my situation was never believed. It was the only thing that made sense in my circumstances as a teen, it was not what my mother wanted, but she was not prepared to even talk about or admit my needs. I am going to use that to try and encourage my son to understand his fear but master it and to see some of the benefits of moving on ... If it is any consolation, my son and I are going through similar dilemnas ...

Can your son see any of your daughter/ his sister's struggle with having him in the house and acting out???