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Mental Ilness and parenting.

saraSenior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 10:34 am AEST

Mental Ilness and parenting.

Hello all,

I'm having a bit of an unsure day, so I thought I would ask here.

Bit of back story first......

I have 2 kids. M is a teenager with Aspergers, and G is in grade 2. When G was born G was early and very very small but other then that I was told G was fine.

G had hit all the milestones on time if not early except the last 12 months. G's teachers have come to me about a few things and I have heard other things from G and others from the school which concern me.

The teachers think she may have a form of ADD (I'm not sure but not against her getting tested) but they also said there was no funding for any testing/help.

G has also been begging/crying to not go to school saying thing like "G is too stupid to be there and even when G tries they still tell G off for being to slow"

G wants to be a scientist when older but falls apart anytime someone brigns up Uni saying that "G is too stupid for Uni so I'll just be a hairdresser" (there is nothing wrong with being a hairdresser my friend is doing very well for herself in that field) all because sombody told G hairdressers didn't need to go to school

So based on that I had made the decision to move G to another school who had more funding/support, and I was going to start ringing around next week.

But then I spoke to one of the mother's at the school about my thoughts, I trusted she would understand as she was thinking about the same thing late last year. But she exploded "how could I do this to my daughter, how could I tear her from the kids around her, It's not the teachers fault she is this way ect ect".

Now I'm tearing myself apart not knowing if im doing the right thing, I'm questioning if this is all in my head.

I'm not sure what to do

3 replies

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In response to: Mental Ilness and parenting.

Gazza75Senior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 11:20 am AEST

Re: Mental Ilness and parenting.

Hi @sara , its nice to meet you.

I'm sorry about all the diffuculty you are having right now. I'm not a parent and can only offer you limited support and my opinion. I personally wouldn't worry about what other mothers or parents say about you or your children. Everyone is different and has to make their own choices in life. I find it a little strange another mother would go off like that when it was something she was considering for her own child. Hypocritcal.

I think the best thing is to give yourself time and maybe ask your children how they feel about it. If another school has better support and funding then it may well be worth it. Try not to tear yourself apart with this, you are a caring and loving mother who is doing the best for your children which is all anyone can do.

I hope other people here can offer you some advice and support as well. Sending lots of hugs 🙂

In response to: Mental Ilness and parenting.

CheerBearSenior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 1:47 pm AEST

Re: Mental Ilness and parenting.

Hi @sara. Sorry to hear you are having a tricky time. I have kids and find I can really struggle with making big decisions to do with them. I can second guess and doubt myself a lot. For me it comes from wanting the best thing for them but not having a way of knowing with any certainty what that actually is. I can tear myself apart over it too.

Our situation has meant my kids have changed schools more than what I would have liked them to. It can be a really unsettling thing as a parent, wondering how they'll cope, whether it's the right choice, whether they'll be OK to leave old friends and make new ones etc. It's very tough. I know all kids and all situations are different but mine have coped. There's been some really hard parts to it but they've also learned and gained a lot from the moves too.

Is there a close someone in your life (aside from the mother you spoke with) who you feel like you can talk it through with? Maybe even a teacher or support staff member from the school could help.

I think there's a lot to be said for having a gut feeling about things like this and trusting that. It can be really hard for me to do that sometimes, but my gut feeling is usually on to something. Do you have a gut feeling about what decision is best for G?

I hope there's an answer out there soon that feels right for you.

In response to: Mental Ilness and parenting.

LadyCarolineSenior Contributor14 Sept 2019, 4:14 pm AEST

Re: Mental Ilness and parenting.

Well the other mother aside, go and speak to your GP and get a referral to a service that specializes in treating youth. Having an actual diagnosis can help to find the right treatment and appropriate services. Take it from me I am a carer for a child who has needed support and I know that getting your child to a place where school is not such a battle can be hard. It can take some time but once you get the supports in place it is much easier.

Don't move your child yet, look at getting support outside school first then you can make a decision based on strength. Also find some services for yourself as well so you can stay strong. It's hard but so worth it.

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